(He has a reason to live. There's a̷̒ ̸̓͜t̵̠̄h̴̤̒ŗ̴̆oṇ̶̅e̶̱͠ ̸̱́t̶̼̑o̵̝̽ ̴̜̔i̴̟͐n̶̈́h̷͋é̴̝r̷̠͋í̶̱t and he would love to see the looks on everyone's faces when he rises above them all.
(... As what, exactly? He's inherited a title in a foreign land but he can't imagine anyone back home caring about that. Maybe he could return as a great general or something instead. Someone who would surely impress the king regardless of his birth.)
Ah, but before he can really dwell on it, he's sent back into a memory and
The memory of birth is a strange one. It's not a memory that most people can really recall but the sensation of being born and alive and aware of everything from that first moment is almost overwhelming at first. It would be one thing of this first moment had been warm and gentle but... it's anything but that.
He recognizes that look. The look of disgust and disdain. She doesn't want anything to do with him. She's looking down on him. She wants to be rid of him. He's seen this look so many times in his life but not once had he ever seen it from his own mother. In that sense, he was quite blessed to have parents who loved him when the world wanted nothing to do with him.
Unlike Chiron, whose first memories are being rejected by even his own mother, Claude's earliest memories had been his mother's embrace. He loving smile. Her gentle voice. Her beautiful face. He didn't learn how hated he was until he was older. His first few years had been innocent and unaware... He was hated by others from the moment he was born but he hadn't realized it until much later.
And his heart aches for Chiron who had to realize from his first breath. His jaw clenches tight, he bites down on his tongue, and he closes his hands into fists at his side. The memory fades and the words that tumble out of his mouth are--)
I'm glad you're here. (Honest words that spill carelessly,) And I'm grateful to have met you.
(He has always belonged in the world. He has always deserved to exist. These are just revised versions of certain words. Words he'd heard only briefly from time to time in his life. Words he'd wished he'd heard more.)
[His eyes tick over, almost surprised by the comment that Claude offers him, but his eyes will soften a beat later as he shakes his head]
Now? I do not remember that memory, or that woman's face.
[...]
So it is... strange, seeing the face of my mother, when I thought I did not have one.
[Her hate, her disgust, and yet picking out the features that are reflected in his own. How... bittersweet, he thinks, to know these were his first few moments]
I had students who cared for me once I was older. I was not completely alone. [A faint smile] I was loved, even if only briefly.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
(He has a reason to live. There's a̷̒ ̸̓͜t̵̠̄h̴̤̒ŗ̴̆oṇ̶̅e̶̱͠ ̸̱́t̶̼̑o̵̝̽ ̴̜̔i̴̟͐n̶̈́h̷͋é̴̝r̷̠͋í̶̱t and he would love to see the looks on everyone's faces when he rises above them all.
(... As what, exactly? He's inherited a title in a foreign land but he can't imagine anyone back home caring about that. Maybe he could return as a great general or something instead. Someone who would surely impress the king regardless of his birth.)
Ah, but before he can really dwell on it, he's sent back into a memory and
The memory of birth is a strange one. It's not a memory that most people can really recall but the sensation of being born and alive and aware of everything from that first moment is almost overwhelming at first. It would be one thing of this first moment had been warm and gentle but... it's anything but that.
He recognizes that look. The look of disgust and disdain. She doesn't want anything to do with him. She's looking down on him. She wants to be rid of him. He's seen this look so many times in his life but not once had he ever seen it from his own mother. In that sense, he was quite blessed to have parents who loved him when the world wanted nothing to do with him.
Unlike Chiron, whose first memories are being rejected by even his own mother, Claude's earliest memories had been his mother's embrace. He loving smile. Her gentle voice. Her beautiful face. He didn't learn how hated he was until he was older. His first few years had been innocent and unaware... He was hated by others from the moment he was born but he hadn't realized it until much later.
And his heart aches for Chiron who had to realize from his first breath. His jaw clenches tight, he bites down on his tongue, and he closes his hands into fists at his side. The memory fades and the words that tumble out of his mouth are--)
I'm glad you're here. (Honest words that spill carelessly,) And I'm grateful to have met you.
(He has always belonged in the world. He has always deserved to exist. These are just revised versions of certain words. Words he'd heard only briefly from time to time in his life. Words he'd wished he'd heard more.)
... Do you really remember that much?
(The very first moment of his life?)
no subject
Now? I do not remember that memory, or that woman's face.
[...]
So it is... strange, seeing the face of my mother, when I thought I did not have one.
[Her hate, her disgust, and yet picking out the features that are reflected in his own. How... bittersweet, he thinks, to know these were his first few moments]
I had students who cared for me once I was older. I was not completely alone. [A faint smile] I was loved, even if only briefly.
[So it does not hurt in the way that it could.]