Hmm... it feels kind of wrong keeping it from her.
(SINCE SHE'S A SAINT...
He'll reach out to take the very edge. He'll only touch the fabric!)
I'd like that.
(Also because I thought I typed it already but didn't!! The air around Claude is mostly the same in the sense that he's still determined and focused, but it feels a lot more muted than it has all week. He's really bummed out about Raven! He's sad but not letting himself stay down.)
[There is enough fabric for him to take more than just the edge and still leave plenty of space! Think of like a winter scarf or something.
She's content with following the walkways around the fort, the fresh air desperately needed. In contrast to Claude, while her sincerity is still upfront, her normally vibrant desire to act is momentarily muddled by something tired and mournful, without being completely despondent.]
...I'm okay.
I didn't know Laine-san well. But Raven was... is someone I really care about. Even with the changes he had and the burdens on his heart, I... I'm angry this happened.
...
What about you, Nii-chan? You... seem kind of tired.
...Yeah. It's... part of why I wanted to make sure you were okay, too. [pot calling the kettle black, and she'll tug on that grip in her hand, the best alternative she has to squeezing his touch.]
I know there was a lot Raven never wanted to talk about. His life, what he cared about, regrets he had... Things he told me that didn't need to be burdens on other people, especially people like me. His eyes always ached, and his smile never reached enough.
[Just like Claude.]
When he... forgot that part of himself... I got really angry at first, because I couldn't understand. I still don't... not completely. I don't think he did either, though...
So I was glad that he could talk a little more, even if it was because he didn't... care, in the same way he used to. It made me really feel he was still the same person, just, um...
A different part of that person, I guess. Like a coin.
I think that's the best way to think of it. Raven is a part of Schwann and Schwann is a part of Raven. They're not different people but parts of the same.
(He understands.
There's a lonely prince and a charismatic duke. A boy that runs away from his problems and a young man that only moves forward.
They were different people but similar in their own ways.)
Raven, or Schwann Oltorain... or... whatever his name may have been before that... [THERE'S ANOTHER??] --he's still Ojisan. And I still want my prayers to reach him, whichever name was truly his own.
I never really got his name but there was someone precious to Raven. He respected him a lot and he passed away... and Raven forgot. I promised him I'd remember for him. That he'd be remembered.
[Her emotions settle, to that firm resolution, tinged with hurt.]
I can add him. I'll remember the best I can. It... must have been someone different to Schwann-san's commandant. He was still alive. And Canary-san was a captain that died.
...
He... lost so many of his important people, Claude. And he's had to bear a lot. I've never seen someone who... who looked so beaten and empty, the way Schwann-san did.
Unfortunately, there are some people that just seem to attract misfortune. That doesn't make it fair or right... but it's something to keep in mind; that there are people in the world not as fortunate as us.
(Such as Claude, who has never lost a person directly close to him until now. Or Hikaru who seems to have always had friends or family close to her.)
But I think it's important to remember Raven and Schwann as the same people, not as different ones. Schwann was... sad but he was also Raven and despite everything, didn't it seem like Raven had more hope?
Yeah. When I talked to Schwann-san... it was different, but... I still felt it had to be at least a little bit of Raven. Even if he didn't act the same... he still worried, and still took the time to listen to me, and let me listen to him.
Raven... used to be a lot kinder. He was kind of silly and drank too much, and people got mad at him for doing dumb things in trials, but even if he was sad... I think at least a little bit of him wanted to be happy?
Maybe the part of him that was Schwann-san... maybe it just forgot why.
Edited (Honorifics will kill me dead someday) 2020-10-21 04:33 (UTC)
(This isn't a situation that Claude has the answers for and he's quiet, letting her speak. This is something... the two of them can try to figure out but will never resolve, not as long as he's gone.)
I think he remembered things, too. (He holds his hand and looks down at his palm for a moment, closing it and setting it back down,) I couldn't tell you specifics or anything though. I'm afraid... I can't offer any peace of mind in this sense.
(And quietly,)
It might not be good bye, though. (He watches Hikaru,) If we can truly find a way to bring everyone back... we can find out more about Raven or Schwann from the source himself.
i keep forgetting this is emotions time so this is my reminder
[She'd told him this, of course. She knows he's right, and the simple reminder alone is enough to settle something in her.]
...Mm.
We can't fail, Nii-chan. The only way we can find another option, for right now, is by helping the Realm repair things.
...
[She'll carefully tug at the fabric between their hands.]
I... hope that, wherever he is... he can watch both of us. I think he would want to see someone like you find a better way where he couldn't... you know?
You both have the same kind of eyes. The same kind of smile. Maybe he'd want you to find something nicer...?
[Mmm. She's simple, but she knows a refusal well enough.
...]
...Raven-san liked collecting the wildflowers, Nii-chan. Even when he was just Schwann. Maybe when this is all done, and we don't have to think about tomorrow...
Could... you help me find some for him? I want to bring them to my prayers.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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(SINCE SHE'S A SAINT...
He'll reach out to take the very edge. He'll only touch the fabric!)
I'd like that.
(Also because I thought I typed it already but didn't!! The air around Claude is mostly the same in the sense that he's still determined and focused, but it feels a lot more muted than it has all week. He's really bummed out about Raven! He's sad but not letting himself stay down.)
How are you holding up, Hikaru?
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She's content with following the walkways around the fort, the fresh air desperately needed. In contrast to Claude, while her sincerity is still upfront, her normally vibrant desire to act is momentarily muddled by something tired and mournful, without being completely despondent.]
...I'm okay.
I didn't know Laine-san well. But Raven was... is someone I really care about. Even with the changes he had and the burdens on his heart, I... I'm angry this happened.
...
What about you, Nii-chan? You... seem kind of tired.
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Laine and I shared a room together at the beginning. I wouldn't say we were very close but I liked him.
As for Raven... he and I had a lot in common. I think it's only natural the two of us became close over time. I'd even spoken to him yesterday.
(SIGHING)
You aren't wrong. Call me lucky 'cause I've never really lost anyone I was close to before. At least, no one I was close to directly.
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I know there was a lot Raven never wanted to talk about. His life, what he cared about, regrets he had... Things he told me that didn't need to be burdens on other people, especially people like me. His eyes always ached, and his smile never reached enough.
[Just like Claude.]
When he... forgot that part of himself... I got really angry at first, because I couldn't understand. I still don't... not completely. I don't think he did either, though...
So I was glad that he could talk a little more, even if it was because he didn't... care, in the same way he used to. It made me really feel he was still the same person, just, um...
A different part of that person, I guess. Like a coin.
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(He understands.
There's a lonely prince and a charismatic duke.
A boy that runs away from his problems and a young man that only moves forward.
They were different people but similar in their own ways.)
... How will you remember him on your list?
(Which name will she write?)
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All of them.
Raven, or Schwann Oltorain... or... whatever his name may have been before that... [THERE'S ANOTHER??] --he's still Ojisan. And I still want my prayers to reach him, whichever name was truly his own.
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I never really got his name but there was someone precious to Raven. He respected him a lot and he passed away... and Raven forgot. I promised him I'd remember for him. That he'd be remembered.
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(Nope. By the look on his face, he's pretty surprised! But then he has a moment of realization and he thinks he understands,)
I see. So there's more than one person. I'm glad for him.
(He's thinking of someone else though,)
He was called "the Don." Raven worked for him.
just slaps a cw for suicide talk
...
[Her emotions settle, to that firm resolution, tinged with hurt.]
I can add him. I'll remember the best I can. It... must have been someone different to Schwann-san's commandant. He was still alive. And Canary-san was a captain that died.
...
He... lost so many of his important people, Claude. And he's had to bear a lot. I've never seen someone who... who looked so beaten and empty, the way Schwann-san did.
Like all they wanted to do was to die.
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(Such as Claude, who has never lost a person directly close to him until now. Or Hikaru who seems to have always had friends or family close to her.)
But I think it's important to remember Raven and Schwann as the same people, not as different ones. Schwann was... sad but he was also Raven and despite everything, didn't it seem like Raven had more hope?
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Raven... used to be a lot kinder. He was kind of silly and drank too much, and people got mad at him for doing dumb things in trials, but even if he was sad... I think at least a little bit of him wanted to be happy?
Maybe the part of him that was Schwann-san... maybe it just forgot why.
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I think he remembered things, too. (He holds his hand and looks down at his palm for a moment, closing it and setting it back down,) I couldn't tell you specifics or anything though. I'm afraid... I can't offer any peace of mind in this sense.
(And quietly,)
It might not be good bye, though. (He watches Hikaru,) If we can truly find a way to bring everyone back... we can find out more about Raven or Schwann from the source himself.
i keep forgetting this is emotions time so this is my reminder
...Mm.
We can't fail, Nii-chan. The only way we can find another option, for right now, is by helping the Realm repair things.
...
[She'll carefully tug at the fabric between their hands.]
I... hope that, wherever he is... he can watch both of us. I think he would want to see someone like you find a better way where he couldn't... you know?
You both have the same kind of eyes. The same kind of smile. Maybe he'd want you to find something nicer...?
me too tbh
... That's why we have to work for the Realm. Help it repair and try to fix everything that's wrong in this world.
(It's easier to just focus on a task than it is to really be open.)
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...]
...Raven-san liked collecting the wildflowers, Nii-chan. Even when he was just Schwann. Maybe when this is all done, and we don't have to think about tomorrow...
Could... you help me find some for him? I want to bring them to my prayers.
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(For refusing her just a second ago, the least he can do is grant one of her easier requests without question.)
That much, I can do.