[ xie lian gives him a small smile, just a quirk of his mouth. it's a little helpless, almost sheepish, and doesn't quite reach his eyes. he feels more bad that he might have hurt claude with the mention of it, more than anything, now.
xie lian's pain is his own. the memory he has left of xian le, is, after all, the only one that is left... at least as far as he's aware. all that really still exists of it is the foundations of another kingdom, the tales of the crown prince who pleased the gods...
and xie lian.
he's quiet, for a moment longer, the pause thoughtful. ]
...It was beautiful. A kingdom of people who were happy, for a very long time - prosperous, generous, and blessed by the gods themselves. By no means was it perfect, but it had bountiful harvests and what seemed like nearly endless resources, as well as strong alliances with its neighbors...and most importantly, a content populace. Xian Le was an incredibly blessed, vibrant place and was well known for its four treasures; the beauty of its people, its music, its arts, and...
[ the pause here is just a flicker. something crosses his eyes, but it's hard to discern exactly what, but that soft aura of sadness has yet to melt away. ] ...And, its crown prince.
(He tries to imagine it. It's difficult when he's unfamiliar with Xie Lian's culture but he tries to imagine something... like a mix of what he knows. Maybe one of them will be right.
Smiling people who look like Xie Lian, laughing and sharing the bounty of their land together. A beautiful place, he thinks, where everything seems ideal. Music in the air, beautiful sights, and a people that love and feel pride for
A crown prince
It's brief, something that could easily be missed if one isn't paying attention but in the air, there's a flicker, just the briefest twinge of empathy, a painful twist of the heart that quickly gets pushed away.
If one was just watching Claude, they would never notice. His expression hardly changes, not even behind his eyes. It's the same as ever, focused on Xie Lian, giving him his complete attention and for the most part, the air around Claude lets off a sense of fascinated wonder, like someone hearing a beautiful story for the first time, and there's that sort of... bittersweet feeling in the air that comes from knowing how Xie Lian is feeling,)
It sounds incredible. I wish I could see it for myself. (What could he learn from it? Everything, he thinks. But this is a sad story and he knows it,) ... What happened?
[ even quietly lost in his own head, xie lian can pick up on claude's emotions. he feels the wonder, but...
it's easier to pick up on feelings that you share with others. that bittersweetness - it's the same way that xie lian feels, talking about xian le, now. it was so, so very long ago, and pulling out the happy memories of it sometimes feels difficult, even for someone as optimistic as himself.
as he asks, xie lian doesn't look at him. there is a moment where it seems like he might not answer. ]
...There was a war, but... [ xie lian's expression shifts, now, something flicking across his face, but the emotion share gives him away worse than his face ever would. there's sorrow, as deep and as heavy as weight, but there's guilt, too, an icy cold feeling underneath it all. regret. misery. anger, even, buried low. ]
...there was a plague that struck the country, as well. [ and as he says the word "plague" - just the tiniest hint of fear. ]
There were very few survivors, one way or another. The entire royal line was eliminated. [ except, of course, for their crown prince. their god, descended to be human again to try and help, only to watch everything fall apart.
(A war started by a classmate, someone he thinks he could have befriended if only they'd been able to find some sort of understanding. (He could never get a read on her. She wasn't like Dimitri who was so open and honest.) A mysterious plague that turned people on each other. (How did they do that? How could they prevent it?)
Xie Lian is old and has seen so much. At over 800, he's only a few centuries younger than the church itself, he thinks. He wonders what else Xie Lian has seen and how much he would be willing to share.
In comparison, Claude is only 18. Still young and he'll certainly never compare. There are things he has never seen and never will see and yet, here he is, on the cusp of a war, facing uncertainty, and searching for answers.
He'll never be able to save everyone. Thinking he can would be unrealistic
But if he can ask the right questions, find the right answers, learn more
I will make a world that is better for everyone to live in.)
Sometimes everything stops. (People die, things are left behind or lost, and sometimes there seems like everything loses meaning,,) But the world keeps turning.
I've always been able to find comfort in that. The sands of time will fall, burying what was once there, piling up until there's a new dune to climb, just another one in a growing desert.
(He looks away, up at the sky that always makes him feel small and with Xie Lian next to him, he feels more like a boy and less like a man,)
I can't even begin to imagine how vast your desert must be or how many dunes you've climbed. But even the most barren desert has its oases. (This would probably be a slightly different conversation if he didn't HATE HUA CHENG but alas,) And somewhere in all of that, is a paradise. A new place to rest and dream.
(A beautiful city surrounded by sand and plains. A place far, far away but very close to his heart.)
[ ultimately, it is the wording that gets xie lian's mouth to curl up a bit at the edge. ]
A paradise, hm?
[ there's an irony to that, that claude will probably never understand. in this moment of nostalgia, it fits in perfectly, as he recalls a confrontation on a bridge, and a phrase, written across the entrances of temples, on the mouths of devoted believers, forgotten, eight hundred years past.
body in the abyss, heart in paradise.
even moreso than before, he can see the parallels laid out before him. listening to claude talk - he may be young, but his words match xie lian's initial assessment of him. a clever, bright young man, with big dreams. a traveler, someone who must love the world so very much.
someone he hopes will have learned the lessons that xie lian had to learn in adulthood, already. that will be wiser and stronger, in ways that he never was. underneath that nostalgia, there is a quiet, radiating sense of --
pride, is what it is. pride. ]
What's your paradise like, Claude?
[ xie lian glances to the side to look at him. he can tell, that metaphor had some purpose to it. ]
(There's a feeling that catches his attention, one that he's only felt from others a handful of times in his life. Truly, he could probably count on one hand the number of times he's been able to feel this.
His mother and father, loving their son no matter how troublesome or how hated he might be by the world. His combat instructor, a large and scarred man who was always too hard on him but believed he could overcome any challenge. A certain professor at the academy, one who encouraged him unconditionally.
(Someone whose memory brings up an aching feeling in his heart and headache that he can't quite shake off. Clear memories of a charismatic professor, a curious name that always reminded him how strange the names in Fodlan could be, and of countless classes and meetings. And yet, there are things that don't make sense. Why was she there? Why did he always sit so close to the front in her classes? Why was she always there when...
Ah, the more he thinks about it, the more conflicted he feels and he has to press on.)
There's a feeling coming from Xie Lian and Claude turns to face him, eyes wide with surprise.
There aren't many people who would say they're proud of Claude. And to feel it from Xie Lian, without even having to prove himself in his usual ways is... surprising. He didn't have to spend hours studying or days practicing. There was no fight he had to win.
Proud, driven, focused, hopeful... these are feelings that Claude has been radiating since the week began and while he's certainly a warm person, there's always a certain level of coolness and distance to him. He gives smiles that never reach and has eyes that are always searching for something... )
(And he looks away, and raises a hand to his mouth, covering it with his palm and looks out towards he sea. Xie Lian doesn't have to see his mouth to know. It's in his eyes for one of the first times since he's arrived in the realm.
For a moment. For just right now.
He's satisfied.)
My paradise... (It takes him a moment to really respond, still caught off guard by this feeling he has,) Is a world for without boundaries.
(And under the stars, where the sky feels so big, his dreams feel smaller, closer and more manageable.
And with Xie Lian's support, it feels obtainable.)
A world where people can move freely between nations and find acceptance, no matter what. Where they're from, how they were born, the burdens they carry... none of it would matter. A place where where no one has to live looking over their shoulders or pleading up at the heavens but instead, can face forward on their own.
(The more he speaks, the warmer his voice gets, the louder his heart beats. He's a secretive young man, someone who hides who he truly is behinds schemes and charming smiles. But at his core, Claude von Riegan is a dreamer.)
A paradise that believes in people and merit instead of blessings and blood or expectations and prejudice. That's my paradise-- my dream. A world without limits.
[ xie lian listens attentively to every word that claude's saying. he keeps his gaze on him as he talks - and catches the way that smile lights up his face. (and the way he hides it, too. how rare is it for claude to truly smile, that he feels the need to hide it away?)
he's smiling, too. it's hard not to. the air between them warms with it, thanks to the share of their emotions. (and it's even more reason to know that something is wrong, with what happened to hua cheng; but that's something to consider for later. claude is sharing something special with him, and it deserves his full attention.)
and... he's more than glad to give it. xie lian's smile grows as he speaks, and that pride blossoms warmer and brighter with each word he speaks. a sense of mutual agreement, and of affection, too, and of hope seem to underscore it.
he takes a moment to speak, gathering his thoughts, and when he does, it's flush with all of those emotions, and a genuine happiness at the thought. there's a conviction as he says it, too - xie lian agrees with him, fullheartedly. ]
I think that's a beautiful ideal to work towards - a true paradise.
[ more so than the heavens had ever really proved themselves to be. ]
...You know, once upon a time, I had a dream that I learned was naive to achieve by myself. It was simply "to save the common people". But when I said it, I didn't know who the common people were, or how they lived...or, the limits of my own capabilities. I thought they were endless.
But I learned. [ xie lian says, softer, now, as he glances back out to the water, too. ] ...And I think, with all of the lessons of my years, I would change it - but only a little. My own dream is simply the common people, themselves.
I want them - and everyone - to be able to live their lives, without interference. That doesn't mean necessarily that they won't struggle, or that they won't make bad decisions, or that they won't grow, or that "paradise" will always mean that every day is perfect. But my dream is that humans will be able to simply live, in all the things that come with that.
[ xie lian, prince, royalty, strange god, has never, ever once, turned his gaze away from the common people. he was a beloved prince, for a long time; and when things were turned against him, he respected their wishes, and never blamed them for the circumstances he ended up in.
he pauses, for a minute, and then keeps going, admitting: ] I... have always admired and cared for others, whether I've known them a day, or I've known them for a lifetime.
The perspective I have is a bit unique, but... the way humans struggle, good and bad, the way they love each other, the way they learn from each other, and more than anything, that they can be truly, unbelievably kind, when the moment is right - those are the things that keep me striving towards that goal, no matter how dark the path in front of me may get.
[ he had once been told - you can't save everyone. and xie lian learned that the hard way. but if he can help even one person - even one, it is a step in the right direction. even here, he clashed ideologically against someone who scoffed at the idea, that at their core, humans could be anything more than miserable and cruel to each other.
but xie lian has felt, so intensely, what the tiniest act of good can do. he hopes never to forget it, even in the Realm - and if he does, he hopes that it is engraved on his very soul, so he will never, ever stop believing in the good and wonderful things that people can do.
he turns back to his companion, and this time, his fond smile is obvious. ] So - in that sense, it seems as though our dreams coincide. How wonderful.
Thank you for sharing that with me, Claude. It means a lot to me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
xie lian's pain is his own. the memory he has left of xian le, is, after all, the only one that is left... at least as far as he's aware. all that really still exists of it is the foundations of another kingdom, the tales of the crown prince who pleased the gods...
and xie lian.
he's quiet, for a moment longer, the pause thoughtful. ]
...It was beautiful. A kingdom of people who were happy, for a very long time - prosperous, generous, and blessed by the gods themselves. By no means was it perfect, but it had bountiful harvests and what seemed like nearly endless resources, as well as strong alliances with its neighbors...and most importantly, a content populace. Xian Le was an incredibly blessed, vibrant place and was well known for its four treasures; the beauty of its people, its music, its arts, and...
[ the pause here is just a flicker. something crosses his eyes, but it's hard to discern exactly what, but that soft aura of sadness has yet to melt away. ] ...And, its crown prince.
no subject
Smiling people who look like Xie Lian, laughing and sharing the bounty of their land together.
A beautiful place, he thinks, where everything seems ideal.
Music in the air, beautiful sights, and a people that love and feel pride for
A crown prince
It's brief, something that could easily be missed if one isn't paying attention but in the air, there's a flicker, just the briefest twinge of empathy, a painful twist of the heart that quickly gets pushed away.
If one was just watching Claude, they would never notice. His expression hardly changes, not even behind his eyes. It's the same as ever, focused on Xie Lian, giving him his complete attention and for the most part, the air around Claude lets off a sense of fascinated wonder, like someone hearing a beautiful story for the first time, and there's that sort of... bittersweet feeling in the air that comes from knowing how Xie Lian is feeling,)
It sounds incredible. I wish I could see it for myself. (What could he learn from it? Everything, he thinks. But this is a sad story and he knows it,) ... What happened?
(To let it fall?)
You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
i love not getting tag notifs wtf
it's easier to pick up on feelings that you share with others. that bittersweetness - it's the same way that xie lian feels, talking about xian le, now. it was so, so very long ago, and pulling out the happy memories of it sometimes feels difficult, even for someone as optimistic as himself.
as he asks, xie lian doesn't look at him. there is a moment where it seems like he might not answer. ]
...There was a war, but... [ xie lian's expression shifts, now, something flicking across his face, but the emotion share gives him away worse than his face ever would. there's sorrow, as deep and as heavy as weight, but there's guilt, too, an icy cold feeling underneath it all. regret. misery. anger, even, buried low. ]
...there was a plague that struck the country, as well. [ and as he says the word "plague" - just the tiniest hint of fear. ]
There were very few survivors, one way or another. The entire royal line was eliminated. [ except, of course, for their crown prince. their god, descended to be human again to try and help, only to watch everything fall apart.
you will never protect anyone, xian le. ]
no subject
(He could never get a read on her. She wasn't like Dimitri who was so open and honest.)
A mysterious plague that turned people on each other.
(How did they do that? How could they prevent it?)
Xie Lian is old and has seen so much. At over 800, he's only a few centuries younger than the church itself, he thinks. He wonders what else Xie Lian has seen and how much he would be willing to share.
In comparison, Claude is only 18. Still young and he'll certainly never compare. There are things he has never seen and never will see and yet, here he is, on the cusp of a war, facing uncertainty, and searching for answers.
He'll never be able to save everyone. Thinking he can would be unrealistic
But if he can ask the right questions, find the right answers, learn more
I will make a world that is better for everyone to live in.)
Sometimes everything stops. (People die, things are left behind or lost, and sometimes there seems like everything loses meaning,,) But the world keeps turning.
I've always been able to find comfort in that. The sands of time will fall, burying what was once there, piling up until there's a new dune to climb, just another one in a growing desert.
(He looks away, up at the sky that always makes him feel small and with Xie Lian next to him, he feels more like a boy and less like a man,)
I can't even begin to imagine how vast your desert must be or how many dunes you've climbed. But even the most barren desert has its oases. (This would probably be a slightly different conversation if he didn't HATE HUA CHENG but alas,) And somewhere in all of that, is a paradise. A new place to rest and dream.
(A beautiful city surrounded by sand and plains. A place far, far away but very close to his heart.)
no subject
A paradise, hm?
[ there's an irony to that, that claude will probably never understand. in this moment of nostalgia, it fits in perfectly, as he recalls a confrontation on a bridge, and a phrase, written across the entrances of temples, on the mouths of devoted believers, forgotten, eight hundred years past.
body in the abyss, heart in paradise.
even moreso than before, he can see the parallels laid out before him. listening to claude talk - he may be young, but his words match xie lian's initial assessment of him. a clever, bright young man, with big dreams. a traveler, someone who must love the world so very much.
someone he hopes will have learned the lessons that xie lian had to learn in adulthood, already. that will be wiser and stronger, in ways that he never was. underneath that nostalgia, there is a quiet, radiating sense of --
pride, is what it is. pride. ]
What's your paradise like, Claude?
[ xie lian glances to the side to look at him. he can tell, that metaphor had some purpose to it. ]
1/2
His mother and father, loving their son no matter how troublesome or how hated he might be by the world.
His combat instructor, a large and scarred man who was always too hard on him but believed he could overcome any challenge.
A certain professor at the academy, one who encouraged him unconditionally.
(Someone whose memory brings up an aching feeling in his heart and headache that he can't quite shake off. Clear memories of a charismatic professor, a curious name that always reminded him how strange the names in Fodlan could be, and of countless classes and meetings. And yet, there are things that don't make sense. Why was she there? Why did he always sit so close to the front in her classes? Why was she always there when...
Ah, the more he thinks about it, the more conflicted he feels and he has to press on.)
There's a feeling coming from Xie Lian and Claude turns to face him, eyes wide with surprise.
There aren't many people who would say they're proud of Claude. And to feel it from Xie Lian, without even having to prove himself in his usual ways is... surprising. He didn't have to spend hours studying or days practicing. There was no fight he had to win.
Proud, driven, focused, hopeful... these are feelings that Claude has been radiating since the week began and while he's certainly a warm person, there's always a certain level of coolness and distance to him. He gives smiles that never reach and has eyes that are always searching for something... )
no subject
For a moment. For just right now.
He's satisfied.)
My paradise... (It takes him a moment to really respond, still caught off guard by this feeling he has,) Is a world for without boundaries.
(And under the stars, where the sky feels so big, his dreams feel smaller, closer and more manageable.
And with Xie Lian's support, it feels obtainable.)
A world where people can move freely between nations and find acceptance, no matter what. Where they're from, how they were born, the burdens they carry... none of it would matter. A place where where no one has to live looking over their shoulders or pleading up at the heavens but instead, can face forward on their own.
(The more he speaks, the warmer his voice gets, the louder his heart beats. He's a secretive young man, someone who hides who he truly is behinds schemes and charming smiles. But at his core, Claude von Riegan is a dreamer.)
A paradise that believes in people and merit instead of blessings and blood or expectations and prejudice. That's my paradise-- my dream. A world without limits.
no subject
he's smiling, too. it's hard not to. the air between them warms with it, thanks to the share of their emotions. (and it's even more reason to know that something is wrong, with what happened to hua cheng; but that's something to consider for later. claude is sharing something special with him, and it deserves his full attention.)
and... he's more than glad to give it. xie lian's smile grows as he speaks, and that pride blossoms warmer and brighter with each word he speaks. a sense of mutual agreement, and of affection, too, and of hope seem to underscore it.
he takes a moment to speak, gathering his thoughts, and when he does, it's flush with all of those emotions, and a genuine happiness at the thought. there's a conviction as he says it, too - xie lian agrees with him, fullheartedly. ]
I think that's a beautiful ideal to work towards - a true paradise.
[ more so than the heavens had ever really proved themselves to be. ]
...You know, once upon a time, I had a dream that I learned was naive to achieve by myself. It was simply "to save the common people". But when I said it, I didn't know who the common people were, or how they lived...or, the limits of my own capabilities. I thought they were endless.
But I learned. [ xie lian says, softer, now, as he glances back out to the water, too. ] ...And I think, with all of the lessons of my years, I would change it - but only a little. My own dream is simply the common people, themselves.
I want them - and everyone - to be able to live their lives, without interference. That doesn't mean necessarily that they won't struggle, or that they won't make bad decisions, or that they won't grow, or that "paradise" will always mean that every day is perfect. But my dream is that humans will be able to simply live, in all the things that come with that.
[ xie lian, prince, royalty, strange god, has never, ever once, turned his gaze away from the common people. he was a beloved prince, for a long time; and when things were turned against him, he respected their wishes, and never blamed them for the circumstances he ended up in.
he pauses, for a minute, and then keeps going, admitting: ] I... have always admired and cared for others, whether I've known them a day, or I've known them for a lifetime.
The perspective I have is a bit unique, but... the way humans struggle, good and bad, the way they love each other, the way they learn from each other, and more than anything, that they can be truly, unbelievably kind, when the moment is right - those are the things that keep me striving towards that goal, no matter how dark the path in front of me may get.
[ he had once been told - you can't save everyone. and xie lian learned that the hard way. but if he can help even one person - even one, it is a step in the right direction. even here, he clashed ideologically against someone who scoffed at the idea, that at their core, humans could be anything more than miserable and cruel to each other.
but xie lian has felt, so intensely, what the tiniest act of good can do. he hopes never to forget it, even in the Realm - and if he does, he hopes that it is engraved on his very soul, so he will never, ever stop believing in the good and wonderful things that people can do.
he turns back to his companion, and this time, his fond smile is obvious. ] So - in that sense, it seems as though our dreams coincide. How wonderful.
Thank you for sharing that with me, Claude. It means a lot to me.