[ when xie lian too blinks free of his memories (and the golden kingdom of xian le fades) he's smiling. he can't help himself -- it's a soft, gentle expression, and he feels a faint rush of gratitude for the memory that was presented to claude. of all of things, this... this, with its new context, this is important.
he's reflecting on it when claude asks him that question, and... it's almost funny.
xie lian ducks his head. ] A simple question with a complicated answer.
...Maybe in some ways. But I think that fate can be changed. I changed the fate of that child, that day - and I would go on to change it again. Doing so came at a great cost, but I would do it over and over again.
In a sense, the outcome of that parade was supposed to determine the fate of our kingdom, and my family's rule, and... in a sense, it did. My kingdom did fall, as you know. So, I suppose I believe in fate, but I think it is transient. I think that can be a good or a bad thing, because ultimately, we are the choices that we make, not the choices that are made for us. I defied my fate that day, and I defied it many times after that.
[ there's a pause.
he's admitted this to enough people now, so. the smile on his face changes, a bit, the twinkle in his gaze a bit mysterious as he turns his head to look at claude. ]
...But, Claude, I am a god. So perhaps I am not the right person to ask such a question.
(He listens thoughtfully, taking in the answer. yes, it's a simple question with a complicated answer, even for himself and he nods along, understanding.
He seems caught off guard at that last part though. A god, really? And his expression is probably exactly what Xie Lian would imagine. He's surprised! But also.... not? He's experienced enough strange things in the Realm and that's used to having some of his beliefs shaken,)
... Before coming here, I'm not really sure what I would believe.
("You mean to tell me…e̸n̷t̴i█y̵ ̸w̵h̶o̴ ̶c̶l̷a̴i̷m̸s̸ ̷t̷o̸ ̷b̷e̵ ̴t̶h̸e̵ ̸g̴o̵d̴█e̶s̷s̷ was living inside y███ m█n█? And this g█d̵d̵e̵s̶s entrusted all of her g̷͉̼̑̌ő̸̡̟̏d̷̜̼̏̾d̷̡͐͘e̴̱̪͊s̵̺͂̌s̶̭̘͝-like power to y̸̰͐̂o̶͎͊ų̴͌̇ and then vanished…"
Yeah, he really doesn't know what he'd believe before coming to the Realm. It would entirely depend on if he could see the evidence for himself or not. Maybe he'd reject it! Or just roll with it. Who knows. )
I didn't believe in a life after death. Or ghosts. And I definitely didn't believe in gods. (Didn't. All past tense.) I don't have a reason not to believe you.
(And at that, he laughs, running a hand through his hair. Man, the Realm sure is making him question a lot of things, huh!!)
Don't take this the wrong way, though. Things like ranks and titles really don't matter much here, you know? So until things change, I'm going to keep believing in you as Xie Lian, a person, like any of us.
(And not like a god.
... It's definitely something to think about, though. Hm.)
I would prefer it that way. To be quite honest, my history with my ascension has been a bit...erm, complicated. I've been mortal for the last eight centuries - erm, well, as mortal as I can really be, anyway. I only recently ascended again, and I don't really have any followers, or any temples of my own besides the one I built myself...
[ so!!! he shakes his head. ] I'd rather that you knew me as Xie Lian, the person, the scrap collector, than Xie Lian the god. [ a beat. ] Or the runaway prince, really.
It is generally frowned upon for us to interact with mortals, let alone tell them of our status, but... I've never really listened to the first rule, and here, I don't think that the second matters so much.
But I trust you - and I would not want to give you a biased answer to your question, either.
Maybe if the goddess was more like this, he would like her more. His relationship with religion has always been a complicated one, and for the longest time, it was largely negative. But new places, new people, new perspectives... he can keep an open mind. )
I appreciate it. (Truly.) It's a perspective I never thought I would hear in my lifetime.
(He can keep an open mind and learn from others. He'll only become richer from it. He hums thoughtfully to himself as he turns his thoughts.
Trust, huh?)
People here keep saying that. (That they trust him.) Back home, there aren't many people who trust me and for good reason, too. People here should be more careful about that, too.
(He did let someone take the fall for Hilda, after all. And he's kept that a secret from so many people here as well as everything that happened during and after that...)
To be honest, this week is turning out to be a little stressful for me.
(Memshare week... is truly the worst week when you're a secretive guy like Claude.)
Haha... I understand. [ on this whole!!! memory share thing!!! xie lian hates it for similar reasons. ] I don't like to go about parading my experiences to anyone - what has happened to me has merely happened to me, and I'd honestly rather not focus on it. None of that matters, ultimately, and for others to see what I've been through... I'd rather no one think of me any differently. It is nothing to be mourned, or praised - it just is.
[ so. what claude said just before touched his heart, too. that's all he wants, is to just be xie lian. ]
As for trust, well - [ there's a brief pause. he mouth quirks up in a smile. ] Do you think that I cannot recognize when to trust someone and when to not? I've been around the block a few times... and while I am always optimistic that people have good intentions, I am no less pragmatic, either.
[ he's a kind, warm person, always nice to others, but... claude probably might have noticed, with this conversation, and previous - xie lian rarely seems to share bits of himself. he rarely shares information, unless it's for the good of the group. ]
With both of these matters, I simply let people see what they want to see. [ and if that's that xie lian is an airheaded idiot, then, they can see that.
the fact of the matter is that he is extremely clever, and always has been. ]
(Yes, he's definitely noticed this about Xie Lian but he keeps his comments to himself. Sometimes less is more.
He isn't the most trustworthy person. He isn't the best person. He isn't honorable like other nobles. He'll lie and cheat and use whatever underhanded tactics he can to get by. He would never fault anyone for not trusting him.
... But he is trying his best. And Xie Lian's support means more to him than he could ever express with words.)
I would never doubt you, Xie Lian.
(He hasn't believed in someone like this... ever? Has he? Hm.
And one of those cursed bubbles floats by and Sisi you're finally getting your memory. Claude holds out his hand, his intention clear,)
(The ground is sandy but gives way to green and roots, the sand cloud the horses had been kicking up gives way until they're finally in the forest proper. The air is immediately cooler and wetter in the pine forest compared to the desert they'd come from. The sun has barely risen and still hangs on the horizon but the world seems so much darker in the forest under the green branches.
Darkness is usually a frightening thing. One can never know what lurks in the shadows or might come out from the night but the boy finds that he doesn't mind it here. It's nice, he thinks, looking around and taking in the new sights.
He's just a child, a boy that has only recently turned thirteen and is being rewarded for living another year. Like his father, a large man with an impressive air to him, he rides atop a white horse, beautiful and decorated plainly for the occasion but still with colorful patterns of gold, green, and blue.
"We've made good time," One of the men in their group exclaims cheerfully, "Good job, everyone."
Another man rides closer to the boy and his father and lets out a delighted laugh, "What do you think, your highness?" He asks the boy, noting the look of wonder in his eyes. Those eyes that are green like the very forest they're in and not the earthy shades of brown and gold the others have. "This is your first time seeing this place. Ah, what an honor it is to be invited on the prince's first hunt!"
"Save it," A large, scarred man on a dark brown horse complains, "Flattery isn't going to get you anywhere. If you really want to impress anyone, you'll prove it later."
The young lord balks, mouth hanging open at the general and pulls back some where the lords laugh but if one watches carefully, they might notice that behind those smiles, some of their eyes watch the boy's back.
He doesn't have to see them to know. He can feel their eyes, like daggers at his back and he only keeps his eyes ahead. He's a boy only recently turned thirteen and he knows this occasion isn't to celebrate another year in his life so much as it is to celebrate surviving another year.
The group begins to share stories and gossip, singing praises for the young prince. An accomplished rider and a skilled archer training under the kingdom's greatest general. A bright and intelligent student that has exasperated his teachers with endless questions and discussion. Even the king joins in to brag about how his son— Khalid— will some day best him at their weekly board games and how he wrote his mother the most beautiful poem for her birthday. Even the old general chimes in to observe that it's only a matter of time before every man here is following the boy into battle some day… and that day will probably come sooner than later.
That last comment from the general gets some of the men to make a face, smiling politely but without any warmth. It's obvious that they aren't very fond of the idea of following the prince anywhere. Even now, they dislike riding behind him from an unreachable distance while he rides so close to the king.
The boy. "The young prince." "His highness." "Kid." "Khalid." None of these are "Claude" but it's clear that the two are one and the same even if "Claude" doesn't exist. At least, he doesn't exist yet.
He listens to them make their small talk about him. Not once is he ever invited to the conversation but he doesn't mind. Let the adults talk it out. He didn't really have anything to say to them anyway.
It doesn't take long for the group to set out on their hunt properly. They take to the forest in silence, bow and arrow at the ready, swords drawn, chasing trained hawks and following tracks and trails. Claude listens carefully as the general and his father share insight, teaching him how to read his environment to know what to expect and where to go.
Finally, the moment everyone had been waiting for comes. The prince's first hunt. He takes aim with his bow, readying his arrow and aiming at an area where he caught movement up ahead. The others are quiet as they watch him ready for his first kill… and there's an excited murmur as a doe steps out from the brush followed by a grand stag.
"I love deer." He remembers his mother telling him, "They're our guardians. Our protectors."
Keeping his eyes ahead, he frowns. It's truly a shame, he thinks, to kill such a beautiful creature and for what reason? Because it was easy?
The deer suddenly look up, turning their heads to look back and then straight ahead. It's then that Claude makes eye contact with the stag and something seems so clear to him.
Danger, their eyes read.
I'm always in danger, he thinks to himself, feeling the eyes at his back, waiting for him to make his move. Ready to judge him for whatever happens next. Ready to stab him in the back. Shoot him from behind. He wonders what unfortunate hunting accident might happen today.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
surprise!!
he's reflecting on it when claude asks him that question, and... it's almost funny.
xie lian ducks his head. ] A simple question with a complicated answer.
...Maybe in some ways. But I think that fate can be changed. I changed the fate of that child, that day - and I would go on to change it again. Doing so came at a great cost, but I would do it over and over again.
In a sense, the outcome of that parade was supposed to determine the fate of our kingdom, and my family's rule, and... in a sense, it did. My kingdom did fall, as you know. So, I suppose I believe in fate, but I think it is transient. I think that can be a good or a bad thing, because ultimately, we are the choices that we make, not the choices that are made for us. I defied my fate that day, and I defied it many times after that.
[ there's a pause.
he's admitted this to enough people now, so. the smile on his face changes, a bit, the twinkle in his gaze a bit mysterious as he turns his head to look at claude. ]
...But, Claude, I am a god. So perhaps I am not the right person to ask such a question.
no subject
He seems caught off guard at that last part though. A god, really? And his expression is probably exactly what Xie Lian would imagine. He's surprised! But also.... not? He's experienced enough strange things in the Realm and that's used to having some of his beliefs shaken,)
... Before coming here, I'm not really sure what I would believe.
("You mean to tell me…e̸n̷t̴i█y̵ ̸w̵h̶o̴ ̶c̶l̷a̴i̷m̸s̸ ̷t̷o̸ ̷b̷e̵ ̴t̶h̸e̵ ̸g̴o̵d̴█e̶s̷s̷ was living inside y███ m█n█? And this g█d̵d̵e̵s̶s entrusted all of her g̷͉̼̑̌ő̸̡̟̏d̷̜̼̏̾d̷̡͐͘e̴̱̪͊s̵̺͂̌s̶̭̘͝-like power to y̸̰͐̂o̶͎͊ų̴͌̇ and then vanished…"
Yeah, he really doesn't know what he'd believe before coming to the Realm. It would entirely depend on if he could see the evidence for himself or not. Maybe he'd reject it! Or just roll with it. Who knows. )
I didn't believe in a life after death. Or ghosts. And I definitely didn't believe in gods. (Didn't. All past tense.) I don't have a reason not to believe you.
(And at that, he laughs, running a hand through his hair. Man, the Realm sure is making him question a lot of things, huh!!)
Don't take this the wrong way, though. Things like ranks and titles really don't matter much here, you know? So until things change, I'm going to keep believing in you as Xie Lian, a person, like any of us.
(And not like a god.
... It's definitely something to think about, though. Hm.)
no subject
I would prefer it that way. To be quite honest, my history with my ascension has been a bit...erm, complicated. I've been mortal for the last eight centuries - erm, well, as mortal as I can really be, anyway. I only recently ascended again, and I don't really have any followers, or any temples of my own besides the one I built myself...
[ so!!! he shakes his head. ] I'd rather that you knew me as Xie Lian, the person, the scrap collector, than Xie Lian the god. [ a beat. ] Or the runaway prince, really.
It is generally frowned upon for us to interact with mortals, let alone tell them of our status, but... I've never really listened to the first rule, and here, I don't think that the second matters so much.
But I trust you - and I would not want to give you a biased answer to your question, either.
no subject
Maybe if the goddess was more like this, he would like her more. His relationship with religion has always been a complicated one, and for the longest time, it was largely negative. But new places, new people, new perspectives... he can keep an open mind. )
I appreciate it. (Truly.) It's a perspective I never thought I would hear in my lifetime.
(He can keep an open mind and learn from others. He'll only become richer from it. He hums thoughtfully to himself as he turns his thoughts.
Trust, huh?)
People here keep saying that. (That they trust him.) Back home, there aren't many people who trust me and for good reason, too. People here should be more careful about that, too.
(He did let someone take the fall for Hilda, after all. And he's kept that a secret from so many people here as well as everything that happened during and after that...)
To be honest, this week is turning out to be a little stressful for me.
(Memshare week... is truly the worst week when you're a secretive guy like Claude.)
no subject
[ so. what claude said just before touched his heart, too. that's all he wants, is to just be xie lian. ]
As for trust, well - [ there's a brief pause. he mouth quirks up in a smile. ] Do you think that I cannot recognize when to trust someone and when to not? I've been around the block a few times... and while I am always optimistic that people have good intentions, I am no less pragmatic, either.
[ he's a kind, warm person, always nice to others, but... claude probably might have noticed, with this conversation, and previous - xie lian rarely seems to share bits of himself. he rarely shares information, unless it's for the good of the group. ]
With both of these matters, I simply let people see what they want to see. [ and if that's that xie lian is an airheaded idiot, then, they can see that.
the fact of the matter is that he is extremely clever, and always has been. ]
1/2
He isn't the most trustworthy person. He isn't the best person. He isn't honorable like other nobles. He'll lie and cheat and use whatever underhanded tactics he can to get by. He would never fault anyone for not trusting him.
... But he is trying his best. And Xie Lian's support means more to him than he could ever express with words.)
I would never doubt you, Xie Lian.
(He hasn't believed in someone like this... ever? Has he? Hm.
And one of those cursed bubbles floats by and Sisi you're finally getting your memory. Claude holds out his hand, his intention clear,)
A story for a story.
(A memory for a memory.)
no subject
Darkness is usually a frightening thing. One can never know what lurks in the shadows or might come out from the night but the boy finds that he doesn't mind it here. It's nice, he thinks, looking around and taking in the new sights.
He's just a child, a boy that has only recently turned thirteen and is being rewarded for living another year. Like his father, a large man with an impressive air to him, he rides atop a white horse, beautiful and decorated plainly for the occasion but still with colorful patterns of gold, green, and blue.
"We've made good time," One of the men in their group exclaims cheerfully, "Good job, everyone."
Another man rides closer to the boy and his father and lets out a delighted laugh, "What do you think, your highness?" He asks the boy, noting the look of wonder in his eyes. Those eyes that are green like the very forest they're in and not the earthy shades of brown and gold the others have. "This is your first time seeing this place. Ah, what an honor it is to be invited on the prince's first hunt!"
"Save it," A large, scarred man on a dark brown horse complains, "Flattery isn't going to get you anywhere. If you really want to impress anyone, you'll prove it later."
The young lord balks, mouth hanging open at the general and pulls back some where the lords laugh but if one watches carefully, they might notice that behind those smiles, some of their eyes watch the boy's back.
He doesn't have to see them to know. He can feel their eyes, like daggers at his back and he only keeps his eyes ahead. He's a boy only recently turned thirteen and he knows this occasion isn't to celebrate another year in his life so much as it is to celebrate surviving another year.
The group begins to share stories and gossip, singing praises for the young prince. An accomplished rider and a skilled archer training under the kingdom's greatest general. A bright and intelligent student that has exasperated his teachers with endless questions and discussion. Even the king joins in to brag about how his son— Khalid— will some day best him at their weekly board games and how he wrote his mother the most beautiful poem for her birthday. Even the old general chimes in to observe that it's only a matter of time before every man here is following the boy into battle some day… and that day will probably come sooner than later.
That last comment from the general gets some of the men to make a face, smiling politely but without any warmth. It's obvious that they aren't very fond of the idea of following the prince anywhere. Even now, they dislike riding behind him from an unreachable distance while he rides so close to the king.
The boy. "The young prince." "His highness." "Kid." "Khalid." None of these are "Claude" but it's clear that the two are one and the same even if "Claude" doesn't exist. At least, he doesn't exist yet.
He listens to them make their small talk about him. Not once is he ever invited to the conversation but he doesn't mind. Let the adults talk it out. He didn't really have anything to say to them anyway.
It doesn't take long for the group to set out on their hunt properly. They take to the forest in silence, bow and arrow at the ready, swords drawn, chasing trained hawks and following tracks and trails. Claude listens carefully as the general and his father share insight, teaching him how to read his environment to know what to expect and where to go.
Finally, the moment everyone had been waiting for comes. The prince's first hunt. He takes aim with his bow, readying his arrow and aiming at an area where he caught movement up ahead. The others are quiet as they watch him ready for his first kill… and there's an excited murmur as a doe steps out from the brush followed by a grand stag.
"I love deer." He remembers his mother telling him, "They're our guardians. Our protectors."
Keeping his eyes ahead, he frowns. It's truly a shame, he thinks, to kill such a beautiful creature and for what reason? Because it was easy?
The deer suddenly look up, turning their heads to look back and then straight ahead. It's then that Claude makes eye contact with the stag and something seems so clear to him.
Danger, their eyes read.
I'm always in danger, he thinks to himself, feeling the eyes at his back, waiting for him to make his move. Ready to judge him for whatever happens next. Ready to stab him in the back. Shoot him from behind. He wonders what unfortunate hunting accident might happen today.
He releases his arrow.
… And he misses.
Behind him, he can feel those judging eyes.
And the memory ends.)