[It's warm and welcoming and sorely needed, with how little resistance she offers. She clings right back, a little too tight, burying her face against his chest even as she shakes her head insistently.]
You don't gotta say that! Don't ever say sorry for somebody caring about you...
[Her fingers tighten in his clothing.]
I'm just happy I can... [That he's here, and she can finally touch, and that she didn't have to think about the face he'd made whenever he'd reached out for her.] --I didn't want to bother you in your room if you wanted space, after everything, b-but...
[After [redacted] conversations from Sunday night and what happened with Xie Lian and the others two weeks ago, a small part of her panics at the thought of who might just vanish into thin air, and for what reason.]
(Ah. This is more than he expected and he rubs her back, trying to get her to relax some. It's fine. She doesn't have to hold on so tightly. It isn't like he's going anywhere any time soon.
... But he can understand why she might want to hold onto a certainty in such an uncertain place.)
Look at me.
(Seriously, it's fine, look up at him. Maybe he has a few scratches on his face from running around in that jungle but isn't he fine otherwise? He's as confident and put together as ever. Nothing is wrong.)
I won't say everything is fine. (Not in this place. And not when he's just... been unable to smell all day? Which has also been messing up with his taste but like... it's fine.) Maybe it's hard to believe after last week.. but I'm fine. How could I not be when I have so many people who are dear to me here?
(Gently, he'll pry her off only slightly so he can reposition himself, crouching down some to be level with her eyes,)
Like you, Hikaru.
gonna ask the mods if this counts as a task... lmao...
[She lets him guide her arms away, looking him in the eyes with an expression that's just as easy to read now as it had been last week - simply fond, concerned, relieved.
He does look fine. But he always looks fine. And that, alone, keeps the concern in her voice, even though her expression tinges with something touched and pleased, enough to show the dimples at the side of her smile for just a moment.]
I know... I'm so glad you have all of us.
I say I'm okay a lot, too, Nii-chan, no matter what... just because I don't want any of you to worry for me, if I need to find an answer for myself about my feelings. Sometimes we say we're fine for a lot of reasons... It doesn't mean they're all true. [And he is, in fact, a liar, so color her suspicious.
A beat. She unravels one of her arms from him, reaching with her pointer finger to gently press it against his lips.]
Please be kind to yourself, okay? I like Nii-chan best when his words come from his heart.
(He doesn't move but he's definitely... not sure of what to make with this? She's touching his lips and he'll at least be decent and respect that it means for him to not say anything.
He isn't even sure... what to make do with that request? Wait, was that a request? He starts to smile and reaches to grab onto her hand with both of his,)
Are you asking me to? Or are you just offering advice?
(It's a good thing this isn't emotions week because wow there are some things she's said that would give him away! So instead, Hikaru will really just have to deal with another one of his usual smiles, though, he really, truly tries to make it more honest.)
I know you do. (He reaches out, placing a hand over Hikaru's eyes for just a moment. Just so she won't see him for a few seconds. Just a moment to spare her from seeing that smile and those eyes she keeps telling him about,) I'm grateful.
(Truly,)
But you should be careful who you trust.
(He's warned her before.)
I'm doing the best I can. And that's the truth.
(He's fine. He's been better. But he knows things can be worse. He's fine.)
[With his hand against her face, he'll definitely be able to feel her expression fall, when he says what he says, not being able to see him when he says words that hurt...
...
Carefully, she lifts her hands up to take his own off her face, just enough that his touch is removedn but that her expression obediently stays away from him.]
I... know you're warning me. I know I... I probably can't know why.
But I told myself I wouldn't make these kind of choices until I learned what was happening... outside my own point of view. I... already messed up enough.
Even if... I have to hurt, a little more, to trust someone like you... I'll do it. Because I care about Nii-chan. And I... I don't want to blind myself again.
(There are things in her words that hurt, that hit him in ways deeper than any physical wound. It's unfair, really, the way Hikaru carries these burdens and has to go through each day here while...
Ah,)
Hikaru.
You've been through a lot since you've been here. It's really not fair. (And he brushes back her bangs with his hands. Of course, he can't just let her see him either and he rises as he does, looking up and away,) I've never had a sister. I've never wanted siblings because I never wanted anyone else to be like me.
(To live the life he did. To experience the things he did. And now, he has someone who looks up to him like one and what does he see? The exact thing he wanted to avoid.)
I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm trying to figure things out... but there's a lot. What I do know though is, I want to protect you. I want you to be safe and happy. And I don't want you to ever feel like you're alone.
No matter what, if you need anything, you can talk to me, okay? Even if I'm not the best person... I'll try.
[She does, predictably, try to lift her head. But she spots him looking away, speaking to air, and she lowers her eyes again, letting him speak.
It's bittersweet - to hear he cares about her like a sister, on the wave of him saying he never wanted one in the first place. Her fingers tighten a little, thinking.]
I think... that might be the good thing, about having somebody with you. Like a brother or sister. You might go through the same kinds of things a little bit, but... you aren't the same people. You can know the same things as somebody else but know them in a different way.
So, you can trust each other. And take care of each other, as much as you can... but you're still just you. And you still gotta do what your heart feels is the right thing.
It's like the prince I told you about, a little bit. He couldn't ever go through what his sister went through, because they had to live different lives... but it doesn't mean that he loved her any less, or that he wasn't gonna do whatever he could for her when she was in trouble. She would have done the same for him.
I'm not gonna be you. I'm not gonna be anyone but myself. But... I admire you a lot, Nii-chan. Even if you've acted in ways that are hurtful or think things I don't agree with... you let me think, and you're kind, and you don't...
...
You don't just treat me like a kid all the time. Maybe... because you know, that sometimes being a kid doesn't... keep you from making hard choices.
No... I think if I had a sister, or even a little brother... I would want them to be better than me.
(For them, he would make the mistakes. He would endure every word and every attack. In his heart, he knows if he had someone to look out for, someone to protect... he would do anything to keep them safe, even if he had to carry an extra burden. Even if that burden crushed him.
Like now.
It's funny, he thinks, how much Hikaru's words dig at him, dredging up memories and past actions.)
Hah! (He lets out a laugh at something she says, surprisingly bright despite his mood and the heaviness around him.) You think I'm like a prince?
(He looks down at her, a shine in his eye-- playful and knowing and then places a hand on her head, pushing it down gently as he ruffles her hair,)
Well then, it's true, being a kid doesn't keep you from making hard choices. I learned that early on. But don't forget to be a kid, too.
Big brother Claude didn't have much of a childhood so make sure to have one for him and tell him what that's like.
(Laughs in memory loss hahaha.)
If I can make you happy... then that makes me happy, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
The sheer amount of typos in our last two tags
You don't gotta say that! Don't ever say sorry for somebody caring about you...
[Her fingers tighten in his clothing.]
I'm just happy I can... [That he's here, and she can finally touch, and that she didn't have to think about the face he'd made whenever he'd reached out for her.] --I didn't want to bother you in your room if you wanted space, after everything, b-but...
[After [redacted] conversations from Sunday night and what happened with Xie Lian and the others two weeks ago, a small part of her panics at the thought of who might just vanish into thin air, and for what reason.]
I... I still want Nii-chan to be okay.
phone tag life be like......
... But he can understand why she might want to hold onto a certainty in such an uncertain place.)
Look at me.
(Seriously, it's fine, look up at him. Maybe he has a few scratches on his face from running around in that jungle but isn't he fine otherwise? He's as confident and put together as ever. Nothing is wrong.)
I won't say everything is fine. (Not in this place. And not when he's just... been unable to smell all day? Which has also been messing up with his taste but like... it's fine.) Maybe it's hard to believe after last week.. but I'm fine. How could I not be when I have so many people who are dear to me here?
(Gently, he'll pry her off only slightly so he can reposition himself, crouching down some to be level with her eyes,)
Like you, Hikaru.
gonna ask the mods if this counts as a task... lmao...
He does look fine. But he always looks fine. And that, alone, keeps the concern in her voice, even though her expression tinges with something touched and pleased, enough to show the dimples at the side of her smile for just a moment.]
I know... I'm so glad you have all of us.
I say I'm okay a lot, too, Nii-chan, no matter what... just because I don't want any of you to worry for me, if I need to find an answer for myself about my feelings. Sometimes we say we're fine for a lot of reasons... It doesn't mean they're all true. [And he is, in fact, a liar, so color her suspicious.
A beat. She unravels one of her arms from him, reaching with her pointer finger to gently press it against his lips.]
Please be kind to yourself, okay? I like Nii-chan best when his words come from his heart.
WHY THIS...
He isn't even sure... what to make do with that request? Wait, was that a request? He starts to smile and reaches to grab onto her hand with both of his,)
Are you asking me to? Or are you just offering advice?
because i play an idiot
...
Oh. That's right. Rule ten.
...]
I... um... don't know if you'd listen to advice from somebody like me. But...
I just want you to figure that out on your own, that's all. Even if it's just something small.
I don't want to force you to do it, though, Nii-chan. That's... that's no better than what I did to Shuuya-kun.
I believe in you, Claude. And I trust you as much as I can, as much as you'll let me. I just want to know you mean it when you say you're okay.
hikaru please stop
I know you do. (He reaches out, placing a hand over Hikaru's eyes for just a moment. Just so she won't see him for a few seconds. Just a moment to spare her from seeing that smile and those eyes she keeps telling him about,) I'm grateful.
(Truly,)
But you should be careful who you trust.
(He's warned her before.)
I'm doing the best I can. And that's the truth.
(He's fine. He's been better. But he knows things can be worse. He's fine.)
no subject
...
Carefully, she lifts her hands up to take his own off her face, just enough that his touch is removedn but that her expression obediently stays away from him.]
I... know you're warning me. I know I... I probably can't know why.
But I told myself I wouldn't make these kind of choices until I learned what was happening... outside my own point of view. I... already messed up enough.
Even if... I have to hurt, a little more, to trust someone like you... I'll do it. Because I care about Nii-chan. And I... I don't want to blind myself again.
no subject
Ah,)
Hikaru.
You've been through a lot since you've been here. It's really not fair. (And he brushes back her bangs with his hands. Of course, he can't just let her see him either and he rises as he does, looking up and away,) I've never had a sister. I've never wanted siblings because I never wanted anyone else to be like me.
(To live the life he did. To experience the things he did. And now, he has someone who looks up to him like one and what does he see? The exact thing he wanted to avoid.)
I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm trying to figure things out... but there's a lot. What I do know though is, I want to protect you. I want you to be safe and happy. And I don't want you to ever feel like you're alone.
No matter what, if you need anything, you can talk to me, okay? Even if I'm not the best person... I'll try.
no subject
It's bittersweet - to hear he cares about her like a sister, on the wave of him saying he never wanted one in the first place. Her fingers tighten a little, thinking.]
I think... that might be the good thing, about having somebody with you. Like a brother or sister. You might go through the same kinds of things a little bit, but... you aren't the same people. You can know the same things as somebody else but know them in a different way.
So, you can trust each other. And take care of each other, as much as you can... but you're still just you. And you still gotta do what your heart feels is the right thing.
It's like the prince I told you about, a little bit. He couldn't ever go through what his sister went through, because they had to live different lives... but it doesn't mean that he loved her any less, or that he wasn't gonna do whatever he could for her when she was in trouble. She would have done the same for him.
I'm not gonna be you. I'm not gonna be anyone but myself. But... I admire you a lot, Nii-chan. Even if you've acted in ways that are hurtful or think things I don't agree with... you let me think, and you're kind, and you don't...
...
You don't just treat me like a kid all the time. Maybe... because you know, that sometimes being a kid doesn't... keep you from making hard choices.
no subject
(For them, he would make the mistakes. He would endure every word and every attack. In his heart, he knows if he had someone to look out for, someone to protect... he would do anything to keep them safe, even if he had to carry an extra burden. Even if that burden crushed him.
Like now.
It's funny, he thinks, how much Hikaru's words dig at him, dredging up memories and past actions.)
Hah! (He lets out a laugh at something she says, surprisingly bright despite his mood and the heaviness around him.) You think I'm like a prince?
(He looks down at her, a shine in his eye-- playful and knowing and then places a hand on her head, pushing it down gently as he ruffles her hair,)
Well then, it's true, being a kid doesn't keep you from making hard choices. I learned that early on. But don't forget to be a kid, too.
Big brother Claude didn't have much of a childhood so make sure to have one for him and tell him what that's like.
(Laughs in memory loss hahaha.)
If I can make you happy... then that makes me happy, too.