[She nods a little at his reassurance, relaxing into a bone-deep exhaustion. Good. Good, she only hopes... she hopes he talked to someone, somehow, about the feelings he kept so heavily on his heart.]
I was alone on purpose, Nii-chan. [A selfish admission.] If something had happened to me, and I'd fallen asleep in your arms only a short time before... I couldn't bear the thought of how horrible you'd feel.
But...
[She withers a little.. It's okay. She's in his arms and it's okay not to be brave for just a second, when nobody can see.]
I... didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to die. I didn't want any of it. I did everything I could to try and let you know what little I remembered, but...
(He says it calmly. He understands. She didn't want to be found. That's why Xie Lian and him couldn't find her. Whether they liked it or not, on Hikaru's side or their own, everything had happened for a reason.
She shrinks and he gives her a squeeze, leaning against her just lightly to give some support and cover.)
You're here now.
(Not alone. Alive. With people she wants to be with. With all of her memories.
They've been like this before, right? Holding each other and talking away their time? It's nice to feel like this again. Actually, one of the last times they were like this, he'd told her something that wasn't true, hadn't he? Hah! He lets a small laugh escape from him,)
We've shared a lot here. We held onto a lot of precious memories for each other. When you were gone... I felt like a part of me was, too.
Do you remember everything, Claude? The last time, I...
[There's a flicker of deep hurt, of worry, as her hand drifts to one of his shoulders, where she remembers a wound so vividly now.]
You got shot, and poisoned, and so many people tried to help you even though you wouldn't cry... and your mother...
[To hear his mother yelling as he fought for his life, to feel her warmth as she held him and called out his name as he suffered...
She feels thankful, for the knot in her throat that she never felt when she first saw this memory, for how she feels so vibrantly for him, to have suffered.]
You... remember that, don't you? You remember all of being Khalid?
Edited (just redundancy its fine ) 2020-11-21 13:49 (UTC)
(He doesn't flinch. Even if the wound there had been fresh just a week ago and the pain had all come back before, there's nothing there now. Barely even a scar. He reaches to hold her hand over the phantom injury and closes his eyes,)
Prince Khalid. Crown Prince and future king of Almyra, whether people like it or not. That's who I was. And it's still who I am.
(His voice is level as he speaks, soft and solemn. He's only told one other person this before and that situation had been... less than ideal. He hadn't regretted it but he'd wished the circumstances had been different. This time? It's fine.)
Don't feel sorry for me. Even if things were... less than ideal, I'm still proud of who I am.
(Despite everything, he'd come out of his situation full of pride, strength, and hope. He doesn't need pity. He's never wanted pity. All he ever wanted was to be accepted.)
[She smiles very quietly, her eyes still brimming with a lot of emotions that are very, very hard to place. But she'll push herself up against her knees, enough to plant a chaste kiss against his forehead.]
It's not that.
No matter what... Khalid is Khalid. He is Claude, he is a Duke, he is a Prince, he is a friend, he is a liar... he is a dreamer with a heart so large that he cannot bear to keep it all to himself... and he is my dearest brother.
Why would I ever need to feel sorry, for somebody I love so much?
(And there's something in his eyes. There's a brightness that usually isn't there and really? He'd never thought he'd be so pleased to hear that name again and he starts to smile.
Yes. He's all of those things. He's Khalid. He's Claude. A duke, a prince, a friend, a liar, a schemer, a student, a leader, a dreamer.
The Realm hasn't been kind but it had given him something he hadn't yet found in all of his world: Understanding and acceptance. Really, he can't hate it.)
[She sees that flash in his eyes, sees a smile that she normally doesn't see on him, and her heart feels so full in her chest that she could probably cry.
She lets out a breathless giggle, nodding, her hand against his jaw, tilting his chin up just slightly, just enough to meet the setting sun.]
(And there it is again and he lets out a laugh, loud and bright and he grabs her again!! But this time, it's just to roll on the grass like a pair of losers. They're just going to lay there,)
It's been so long. (Since he heard that name. The name his parents gave him. The name he promised his parents he would never tell. The name he hid to cover up his identity all of these years. That name he dreamed he'd be able to use again some day.) It feels like there's nothing more to hide.
(Because for the first time in years, he's been able to reveal himself. A small step closer to that world where everyone can be accepted.)
[She giggles and giggles and falls into the grass in his arms, grass stuck in her hair and staining her clothes but god she doesn't care.]
I love you too, Khalid! With all my heart.
I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, but... I have you, and I have Chijin and Hua-chan and Oji-san, and all the wonderful people who I love so much, who've tried to save this Realm...
I want to go home, together. If we can make it through this... then we can find the changes we want in our own worlds, too.
[She reaches up to brush her bangs from her face, her smile a little lopsided.]
I want you to see Byleth-sensei again. I want her to be able to tell you how proud she is of you, even if it's just once.
(Now that he has his memories together, his mind just feels so much clearer. One less thing to worry about, fewer anxieties now that he knows things worked out in the end,)
And then we'll go home and clean things up real good so we can see each other again. (Some how. He isn't sure how they'll do it but he believes in a way.) I want to show you where I'm from. Introduce you to my friends and family... and Teach, too.
(His dearest professor.)
I know she is. She wouldn't have chosen me if she didn't believe in me. (He remembers.) And she wouldn't have stuck with me through everything if she didn't support me, too. I've got her back and she's got mine. She's proud of me... of all of her adorable little deer and I'm proud of her, too.
I told you! I told you I told you I told you she wouldn't have ever left you behind!!
[If Claude had any doubt of that, he wouldn't have opened his heart so much. It was a sad consideration for the longest time, to know he had possibly forgotten just how much that one person might have done... but she feels ABSOLUTELY justified in being stubborn about this one thing.]
You did. (And he'd been so worried. So many people had worried for her.) I held onto your memories for you. Xie Lian and Hua Cheng too... and I'm sure there were more.
It's all back. My home, my family, my friends... my name... things I liked, who I've been, important decisions that I was really scared I'd never remember...
It feels like a lot, right now. [A quiet attempt at a laugh, humorless, as her hands wring together.] Maybe I've just gotten used to not knowing anything, and being scared about that, but...
I feel like Hikaru again, but... not really. Like I've changed.
(Everything. As he expected, just like everyone else, still, it's good to confirm it and he nods,)
I know what you mean. (Closing his eyes for a moment. He's so tired.) For the longest time, I could only remember the last few years clearly... now I feel like I have my whole life back.
(And it's so much. Not all happy and honestly, so much of it is troubling but he feels like himself again.)
Mmn. I think... at one point, before I died, I... I could only remember a year or so, nothing else. [She is young but that was.... a lot....
At the request, her head tilts into the grass with a hum, scooting in closer to him.]
Mmn. I never got to tell you a lot about my first home before I forgot, huh?
I grew up with three brothers. Kakeru is sixteen and kind of dramatic, but he feels a lot and always speaks his mind even if it gets him into trouble. Masaru is your age, I think?? Eighteen. He's really smart and kind of disorganized and messy? But he's really kind, and he likes to get into trouble with Kakeru a lot..
Satoru is almost twenty now. He's kind of strict and disciplined, but really gentle and he thinks things through. He tells me things that force me to think, and he lets me make my own choices about it. He's the oldest and helps out at the dojo the most now that my father isn't here.
He's the one I thought of a lot, when I first met you.
(Sometimes you're just a young mortal and forgetting like... 14 years of your life is actually a really big deal because you aren't actually an immortal being with centuries to choose from.
Kakeru. Masaru. Satoru. Kind and dramatic. Smart and disorganized. Strict and disciplined but gentle and thoughtful.)
When I realized you'd forgotten them, I was worried... troubled, even. (...) I was a fake brother taking the place of the real, forgotten ones only until you remembered.
(But over time? He'd really started to think of her like family. Like a sister.)
I asked you, remember? Just because someone didn't grow up with you and isn't related to you, that doesn't mean they can't be their own kind of family.
Umi and Fuu... they're my best friends in the whole world, but I know they're both my sisters as well, even if we live in different places and go to different schools. I still love them just like I love my brothers, and I'd do anything for them.
I'd do anything for you, too, Khalid. I'll never be a princess or noble, and you'll never be a Magic Knight or a Pillar, but... I feel like I have somebody that tries to understand me, when I'm around you.
Just cause they were the first ones doesn't make you any less of an important person to me, silly.
[She's staying on her side in the grass because wow!! Wow grass she has missed grass. But she's looking up at him sideways with that owlish stare of curiosity, nodding quickly. She remembers!]
There was a time though... When I was young, my parents mentioned the idea of another child. The way parents do when they want their families to grow and help their firstborn understand. (Something he'd observed and come to understand as he grew.) And I'd told them no. Absolutely no way.
I didn't want anyone else to live like me; hated, always looking over their shoulder, fighting every day... I would have rather stayed alone than let anyone else be like me.
(It truly was a difficult and unfortunate childhood.)
Watching you, it really reaffirmed a lot of those feelings. (They'd both made mistakes. Ruined relationships. Caused trouble. Struggled so much in the Realm. Even if they were different, they'd overlapped in some ways.) Anyone related to me would have a hard time.
But being there for you? You being there for me? ... It's a little selfish given the circumstances but those moments were nice. Even when when we were miserable... those moments were easier. And that made everything else easier too.
I was never alone because I had you. And I always felt like... someone could understand me. Like I could be myself around you.
(He raises a hand to his chest, touching his heart as he speaks,)
I've never been a brother before. This was my first time... and I have a lot to learn still. And there were times I was no good. But it's been the greatest honor.
(Why is he so dramatic... because he's a JRPG protag lord, that's why.)
[Her eyes soften with emotion, listening to him talk of being alone, of wanting to keep that burden to himself. His life... it really had been so hard for him. And despite everything she's been forced to learn while stuck in the Realm, part of her wishes she could ease the pain on his heart. But this was always his battle to fight, not hers. She was a support from the sidelines, a sword in his army, not someone to help lead him along when he very early knew where he wanted to go. She could help him back to his feet. He always had to be the one to choose to keep walking.
...
She quietly extends a hand to him from where she lies, resting against his knee.]
To care for somebody else... it doesn't matter what you call it in the end. It never means to be perfect. It means to be yourself, and to experience the good and the bad and make all the mistakes you make... and to know that someone is there to help you, if you can't do it on your own. It means watching their backs, and sharing in the things you both know.
To have a sibling is not much different than having a close, close friend. I don't think it should be, anyway.
I couldn't have prayed for a better brother, a better friend, than you.
(He's just a beginner brother, still. Only 2 months into this. He won't argue with her. He'll only accept her words. A sibling is like a very close friend. Yes, he can see that. A very precious, dear friend.)
I've never been a religious person. (So he's never prayed.) But something like this... it feels like fate.
(Like something was at work to let them meet. To make sure they found each other? There also appears to be something else on his mind but... for now, he keeps it to himself. It's a thought he needs to think on just a little more.)
One of the first times we spoke was like this, you know. (Out on the grass, under the sky. What was it? The second time?) ... Everything comes full circle in the end.
(It really does make things feel like things are finally coming to an end.)
Mm. It's a place that makes me think about you. To be outside under the sun, where it's warm and colorful and bright.
[It's not like his desert jewel or the city on the sea. It's the feel of sunshine and the smell of grass, the sound of the trees, the castle in the distance, his smile above her.]
I know it's probably something a little stupid to think about, when we don't know what's gonna happen. But I want a lot more days like this. I wanna keep being happy and learning things with my special people near me... I want to always love and keep being loved.
If there's a way for us to ever see one another again... I want to find it.
[Her selfish wish, one that she knows she will have to earn by her own hands. But she never came into this game to win. She did not need the Realm, to love another person and to want to be by their side.]
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I was alone on purpose, Nii-chan. [A selfish admission.] If something had happened to me, and I'd fallen asleep in your arms only a short time before... I couldn't bear the thought of how horrible you'd feel.
But...
[She withers a little.. It's okay. She's in his arms and it's okay not to be brave for just a second, when nobody can see.]
I... didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to die. I didn't want any of it. I did everything I could to try and let you know what little I remembered, but...
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(He says it calmly. He understands. She didn't want to be found. That's why Xie Lian and him couldn't find her. Whether they liked it or not, on Hikaru's side or their own, everything had happened for a reason.
She shrinks and he gives her a squeeze, leaning against her just lightly to give some support and cover.)
You're here now.
(Not alone. Alive. With people she wants to be with. With all of her memories.
They've been like this before, right? Holding each other and talking away their time? It's nice to feel like this again. Actually, one of the last times they were like this, he'd told her something that wasn't true, hadn't he? Hah! He lets a small laugh escape from him,)
We've shared a lot here. We held onto a lot of precious memories for each other. When you were gone... I felt like a part of me was, too.
But everything feels together again.
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[There's a flicker of deep hurt, of worry, as her hand drifts to one of his shoulders, where she remembers a wound so vividly now.]
You got shot, and poisoned, and so many people tried to help you even though you wouldn't cry... and your mother...
[To hear his mother yelling as he fought for his life, to feel her warmth as she held him and called out his name as he suffered...
She feels thankful, for the knot in her throat that she never felt when she first saw this memory, for how she feels so vibrantly for him, to have suffered.]
You... remember that, don't you? You remember all of being Khalid?
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Prince Khalid. Crown Prince and future king of Almyra, whether people like it or not. That's who I was. And it's still who I am.
(His voice is level as he speaks, soft and solemn. He's only told one other person this before and that situation had been... less than ideal. He hadn't regretted it but he'd wished the circumstances had been different. This time? It's fine.)
Don't feel sorry for me. Even if things were... less than ideal, I'm still proud of who I am.
(Despite everything, he'd come out of his situation full of pride, strength, and hope. He doesn't need pity. He's never wanted pity. All he ever wanted was to be accepted.)
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It's not that.
No matter what... Khalid is Khalid. He is Claude, he is a Duke, he is a Prince, he is a friend, he is a liar... he is a dreamer with a heart so large that he cannot bear to keep it all to himself... and he is my dearest brother.
Why would I ever need to feel sorry, for somebody I love so much?
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Yes. He's all of those things. He's Khalid. He's Claude. A duke, a prince, a friend, a liar, a schemer, a student, a leader, a dreamer.
The Realm hasn't been kind but it had given him something he hadn't yet found in all of his world: Understanding and acceptance. Really, he can't hate it.)
Will you say my name again?
(Just one more time.)
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She lets out a breathless giggle, nodding, her hand against his jaw, tilting his chin up just slightly, just enough to meet the setting sun.]
Khalid.
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It's been so long. (Since he heard that name. The name his parents gave him. The name he promised his parents he would never tell. The name he hid to cover up his identity all of these years. That name he dreamed he'd be able to use again some day.) It feels like there's nothing more to hide.
(Because for the first time in years, he's been able to reveal himself. A small step closer to that world where everyone can be accepted.)
I missed you. (A squeeze,) I love you, Hikaru.
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I love you too, Khalid! With all my heart.
I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, but... I have you, and I have Chijin and Hua-chan and Oji-san, and all the wonderful people who I love so much, who've tried to save this Realm...
I want to go home, together. If we can make it through this... then we can find the changes we want in our own worlds, too.
[She reaches up to brush her bangs from her face, her smile a little lopsided.]
I want you to see Byleth-sensei again. I want her to be able to tell you how proud she is of you, even if it's just once.
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(Now that he has his memories together, his mind just feels so much clearer. One less thing to worry about, fewer anxieties now that he knows things worked out in the end,)
And then we'll go home and clean things up real good so we can see each other again. (Some how. He isn't sure how they'll do it but he believes in a way.) I want to show you where I'm from. Introduce you to my friends and family... and Teach, too.
(His dearest professor.)
I know she is. She wouldn't have chosen me if she didn't believe in me. (He remembers.) And she wouldn't have stuck with me through everything if she didn't support me, too. I've got her back and she's got mine. She's proud of me... of all of her adorable little deer and I'm proud of her, too.
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[EXCITED SLAPPY HANDS AT HIS ARM]
I told you! I told you I told you I told you she wouldn't have ever left you behind!!
[If Claude had any doubt of that, he wouldn't have opened his heart so much. It was a sad consideration for the longest time, to know he had possibly forgotten just how much that one person might have done... but she feels ABSOLUTELY justified in being stubborn about this one thing.]
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Honestly, I can't imagine how I could have forgotten...
(Byleth. Or anything at all, to be honest? All of those memories had been so precious to him.)
What do you remember, Hikaru?
(Share with him.)
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A lot. I don't know where to start.
I... really forgot a whole lot of important things, didn't I?
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I don't mind but I want you to have them back.
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It's all back. My home, my family, my friends... my name... things I liked, who I've been, important decisions that I was really scared I'd never remember...
It feels like a lot, right now. [A quiet attempt at a laugh, humorless, as her hands wring together.] Maybe I've just gotten used to not knowing anything, and being scared about that, but...
I feel like Hikaru again, but... not really. Like I've changed.
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I know what you mean. (Closing his eyes for a moment. He's so tired.) For the longest time, I could only remember the last few years clearly... now I feel like I have my whole life back.
(And it's so much. Not all happy and honestly, so much of it is troubling but he feels like himself again.)
Hmm... Will you tell me about your brothers?
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At the request, her head tilts into the grass with a hum, scooting in closer to him.]
Mmn. I never got to tell you a lot about my first home before I forgot, huh?
I grew up with three brothers. Kakeru is sixteen and kind of dramatic, but he feels a lot and always speaks his mind even if it gets him into trouble. Masaru is your age, I think?? Eighteen. He's really smart and kind of disorganized and messy? But he's really kind, and he likes to get into trouble with Kakeru a lot..
Satoru is almost twenty now. He's kind of strict and disciplined, but really gentle and he thinks things through. He tells me things that force me to think, and he lets me make my own choices about it. He's the oldest and helps out at the dojo the most now that my father isn't here.
He's the one I thought of a lot, when I first met you.
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Kakeru. Masaru. Satoru. Kind and dramatic. Smart and disorganized. Strict and disciplined but gentle and thoughtful.)
When I realized you'd forgotten them, I was worried... troubled, even. (...) I was a fake brother taking the place of the real, forgotten ones only until you remembered.
(But over time? He'd really started to think of her like family. Like a sister.)
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You weren't fake at all, though.
I asked you, remember? Just because someone didn't grow up with you and isn't related to you, that doesn't mean they can't be their own kind of family.
Umi and Fuu... they're my best friends in the whole world, but I know they're both my sisters as well, even if we live in different places and go to different schools. I still love them just like I love my brothers, and I'd do anything for them.
I'd do anything for you, too, Khalid. I'll never be a princess or noble, and you'll never be a Magic Knight or a Pillar, but... I feel like I have somebody that tries to understand me, when I'm around you.
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(But he won't press it. He'll accept it. How can he fight when she says his name like that, too? He's w e a k.
He sits up in the grass, legs crossed, holding onto his ankles casually,)
... Do you remember when I told you I'd never been a brother before?
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[She's staying on her side in the grass because wow!! Wow grass she has missed grass. But she's looking up at him sideways with that owlish stare of curiosity, nodding quickly. She remembers!]
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(Story time.)
There was a time though... When I was young, my parents mentioned the idea of another child. The way parents do when they want their families to grow and help their firstborn understand. (Something he'd observed and come to understand as he grew.) And I'd told them no. Absolutely no way.
I didn't want anyone else to live like me; hated, always looking over their shoulder, fighting every day... I would have rather stayed alone than let anyone else be like me.
(It truly was a difficult and unfortunate childhood.)
Watching you, it really reaffirmed a lot of those feelings. (They'd both made mistakes. Ruined relationships. Caused trouble. Struggled so much in the Realm. Even if they were different, they'd overlapped in some ways.) Anyone related to me would have a hard time.
But being there for you? You being there for me? ... It's a little selfish given the circumstances but those moments were nice. Even when when we were miserable... those moments were easier. And that made everything else easier too.
I was never alone because I had you. And I always felt like... someone could understand me. Like I could be myself around you.
(He raises a hand to his chest, touching his heart as he speaks,)
I've never been a brother before. This was my first time... and I have a lot to learn still. And there were times I was no good. But it's been the greatest honor.
(Why is he so dramatic... because he's a JRPG protag lord, that's why.)
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...
She quietly extends a hand to him from where she lies, resting against his knee.]
To care for somebody else... it doesn't matter what you call it in the end. It never means to be perfect. It means to be yourself, and to experience the good and the bad and make all the mistakes you make... and to know that someone is there to help you, if you can't do it on your own. It means watching their backs, and sharing in the things you both know.
To have a sibling is not much different than having a close, close friend. I don't think it should be, anyway.
I couldn't have prayed for a better brother, a better friend, than you.
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(He's just a beginner brother, still. Only 2 months into this. He won't argue with her. He'll only accept her words. A sibling is like a very close friend. Yes, he can see that. A very precious, dear friend.)
I've never been a religious person. (So he's never prayed.) But something like this... it feels like fate.
(Like something was at work to let them meet. To make sure they found each other? There also appears to be something else on his mind but... for now, he keeps it to himself. It's a thought he needs to think on just a little more.)
One of the first times we spoke was like this, you know. (Out on the grass, under the sky. What was it? The second time?) ... Everything comes full circle in the end.
(It really does make things feel like things are finally coming to an end.)
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[It's not like his desert jewel or the city on the sea. It's the feel of sunshine and the smell of grass, the sound of the trees, the castle in the distance, his smile above her.]
I know it's probably something a little stupid to think about, when we don't know what's gonna happen. But I want a lot more days like this. I wanna keep being happy and learning things with my special people near me... I want to always love and keep being loved.
If there's a way for us to ever see one another again... I want to find it.
[Her selfish wish, one that she knows she will have to earn by her own hands. But she never came into this game to win. She did not need the Realm, to love another person and to want to be by their side.]
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