The alternative would have been going to battle. The way I see it, going to battle means possibly losing your friends. For that reason, I won't hesitate to use dirty tricks to avoid that outcome.
The poison was never deadly. It was only ever meant to incapacitate people and as inconvenient as that is for other people, it's better than bloodshed.
I learned my poison worked and I learned it wouldn't kill. I just had to pay the price for science.
I can't say for certain. It's possible someone could have had a bad reaction or maybe they might have chosen to go off to fight in another battle instead and met their fate.
I might not swung my sword or shot my arrow at them but I still share some responsibility for what happened.
(And he's fine with this. Truly.)
In this sense, I've killed people both directly and indirectly. These are the choices I've made and I have to live with them. That's the same for everyone.
No, I don't think it would be easier. If something is going to hurt you, it doesn't matter if you know if it's coming or not; it's going to hurt. There's a lot to be learned about why were hurt and why we feel it. It'll help us look out for the same thing in the future.
(Oh, poor Hikaru. Truly, he's sorry for her and wishes she didn't have to experience any of this,)
The more we try, the more mistakes we're going to make. The sooner we make them, the sooner we can learn to do the right thing.
I don't know what happened this time, Hikaru, but you know something you didn't know before. And you won't do it again, right?
I know. It's just... really, really hard sometimes. When you make the same mistake, even though you're trying not to, and it... really, really hurts somebody else...
[It's a tired little quip, but it fades as she looks back down at her hands.]
I'm... part of the reason Shuuya-kun was acting weird. I tried to do something to help him talk better with the people around him, but it... didn't do what I thought it was going to do. It made everything worse.
[And. Yknow. Here they are, with Kano up for death tomorrow.]
Catches him. His heart aches for her, understanding what she'd said more than she even realizes. She's already so distressed though, it's best to not add to it for now.
... It's his secret for now. Another for his pile.)
Hikaru, what did you do?
(He might have... an idea. But nothing he can confirm until she says it for herself. He reaches out to hold her hands in his, giving them a squeeze,)
I won't be mad or anything, I promise. I just want to understand what you're saying.
(Eyes wide when he sees the stone. It's not that... he doesn't recognize it because there's some vague sense of understanding what it is but he's confused. He's clearly confused and he frowns,)
[Yeah, no, if she hadn't spoken to five other people who DID know what it was, this wouldn't be a flag.]
...Your face says no, Claude. It's... it's okay. I can tell you.
The Realm gave it to me, after I did some stuff with Cater a couple days ago. I... could us it on anyone, and it would make them want to be kinder for a day.
[She nods, and I apologize for the upcoming text wall.]
It made him want to be kinder. And he was, a little. To Alex-san, and Shigeo-kun, and a couple other people. He never really smiles, you know? I... know I named him that, but... his smiles are always sad. That's... the only way I could tell it was working, was when I saw him smiling at people like he actually meant it.
But... I...
...
Shuuya-kun is really complicated. He... hates himself a lot. He feels that everything he has to do has to be by himself, no matter what. He doesn't want friends. He doesn't want help. He just... wants to do what he feels he has to do, and I... I think he wants to make sure people think just as badly of him as he does to himself.
So to make him want to be kind, when all he wants to do is run away...
I think it just made him be even worse. He... had to work twice as hard, because the feelings weren't his own, and he knew it, and it made him look... a lot worse. Because it wasn't really like him.
...
I do know it worked, because I... told him what I did. And Shuuya-kun got really, really mad at me about it.
(AND GUESS... who relates to some of this. There are parts that don't apply to him at all but there are other things, smaller things that seem to hit Claude like a personal attack each time,)
You didn't know. (For that, he can understand why she did what did, however,) But you can't force someone to change how they feel or what they think.
(He admonishes her, softly,)
The things that bring people together are natural-- the conversations we have, the things we share, and the things we experience together. And those same things are what change people. Whether it's a single encounter or a hundred conversations... you can't take shortcuts.
(This isn't any good and he turns her hands over in his and begins to run his thumb over her fingers, coaxing them to relax. Like a mother washing a child's hands for them, washing away the dirt, making things clean again.)
I know. (She didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. She's a good kid. Too good for all of this, he thinks.) I know, Hikaru.
(And it's fine. She cry as much as she wants, say anything, or nothing at all. He understands what it's like to learn a heavy lesson and he's more than willing to help her get through it.)
[It's not a lot, thankfully. She's so tired, has cried enough since the trial ended, that now it just sort of hurts to even try. She just shudders a bit in the effort to pull herself back together, though the hurt weighs on her eyes in an odd way - not of a fresh wound, but of a reopened one, familiar and ugly.]
The last time I did this, I had to kill people who didn't deserve to die, Claude. And even though I told myself I'd never do it again, that I'd still try to follow my heart in a way that would never let me regret it so badly... this time... I'm not going to be able to do anything but watch...
I know the hurt of it is supposed to help us learn, but... I don't want it to go so far that it's just a scar over my heart...
I don't think you're alone with that. I know I've played my part in allowing things to happen back home.
(Supporting the church, letting himself be used to put down rebellions and watching others face execution for it,)
But you don't have to sit down and watch. Doing nothing would mean staying silent at these trials, not helping anyone through the week, and keeping all of your questions to yourself instead of trying to find answers.
This is a dangerous place. We're going to be hurt here and I don't think that will change any time soon. (Giving Hikaru's hand a squeeze,) But it will. We'll change this world together.
[Her hands relax just enough to rest in his, her grip surprisingly firm for her size, though it still trembles.]
I don't want the people here to have to pay for this world to be fixed with their lives... and I don't want the loss for our mistakes to be treated as nothing but a bad memory.
Even if it's dangerous... we need to keep going. I only could get through anything because I had Umi-chan and Fuu-chan with me - because we could do it together, and fight together.
So... I wanna do the same here. I want to fight this and change this, with everybody.
(Lives are precious. If he can spare anyone, he wants to. But he knows that some loss is still expected and difficult decisions will need to be made,)
You can count on me, Hikaru. And I want to count on you, too.
But for now? Take it easy. I understand that you want to do more but it's important to rest and not wear yourself out. Even a mastermind like myself needs to take a break once in awhile.
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The alternative would have been going to battle. The way I see it, going to battle means possibly losing your friends. For that reason, I won't hesitate to use dirty tricks to avoid that outcome.
The poison was never deadly. It was only ever meant to incapacitate people and as inconvenient as that is for other people, it's better than bloodshed.
I learned my poison worked and I learned it wouldn't kill. I just had to pay the price for science.
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Have... you ever had to try poisons that you though were fine, but they... might have killed somebody?
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I might not swung my sword or shot my arrow at them but I still share some responsibility for what happened.
(And he's fine with this. Truly.)
In this sense, I've killed people both directly and indirectly. These are the choices I've made and I have to live with them. That's the same for everyone.
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...Yeah. I guess it is kind of the same, isn't it?
Sorry, was that a stupid question?
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Mn. You're not just saying that to be nice, right?
[(9'-')9]
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(He's a liar! But he's being honest here!!)
Never doubt yourself for asking questions. It's how we all learn.
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It's be a lot easier if we didn't have to, huh? I think things would hurt a lot less that way.
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(Oh, poor Hikaru. Truly, he's sorry for her and wishes she didn't have to experience any of this,)
The more we try, the more mistakes we're going to make. The sooner we make them, the sooner we can learn to do the right thing.
I don't know what happened this time, Hikaru, but you know something you didn't know before. And you won't do it again, right?
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[...
To his question, she just shakes her head.]
No. I don't want to do it again.
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Hey. (Look at him. It's okay.) Tell brother Claude what happened.
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[It's a tired little quip, but it fades as she looks back down at her hands.]
I'm... part of the reason Shuuya-kun was acting weird. I tried to do something to help him talk better with the people around him, but it... didn't do what I thought it was going to do. It made everything worse.
[And. Yknow. Here they are, with Kano up for death tomorrow.]
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Catches him. His heart aches for her, understanding what she'd said more than she even realizes. She's already so distressed though, it's best to not add to it for now.
... It's his secret for now. Another for his pile.)
Hikaru, what did you do?
(He might have... an idea. But nothing he can confirm until she says it for herself. He reaches out to hold her hands in his, giving them a squeeze,)
I won't be mad or anything, I promise. I just want to understand what you're saying.
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She pulls one of her hands away, but only to rummage through her pocket, pulling out a small red stone.]
I used this, during the trial.
Did... you get one of these?
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It... depends.
(Squint.)
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...Your face says no, Claude. It's... it's okay. I can tell you.
The Realm gave it to me, after I did some stuff with Cater a couple days ago. I... could us it on anyone, and it would make them want to be kinder for a day.
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(That? Was kind? He knows he was out most of trial but ????)
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It made him want to be kinder. And he was, a little. To Alex-san, and Shigeo-kun, and a couple other people. He never really smiles, you know? I... know I named him that, but... his smiles are always sad. That's... the only way I could tell it was working, was when I saw him smiling at people like he actually meant it.
But... I...
...
Shuuya-kun is really complicated. He... hates himself a lot. He feels that everything he has to do has to be by himself, no matter what. He doesn't want friends. He doesn't want help. He just... wants to do what he feels he has to do, and I... I think he wants to make sure people think just as badly of him as he does to himself.
So to make him want to be kind, when all he wants to do is run away...
I think it just made him be even worse. He... had to work twice as hard, because the feelings weren't his own, and he knew it, and it made him look... a lot worse. Because it wasn't really like him.
...
I do know it worked, because I... told him what I did. And Shuuya-kun got really, really mad at me about it.
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You didn't know. (For that, he can understand why she did what did, however,) But you can't force someone to change how they feel or what they think.
(He admonishes her, softly,)
The things that bring people together are natural-- the conversations we have, the things we share, and the things we experience together. And those same things are what change people. Whether it's a single encounter or a hundred conversations... you can't take shortcuts.
(Giving her hands another squeeze,)
Do you understand that now?
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I never wanted to change him...
I just... wanted to help...
[Just like she always wanted to help.
Just like she wanted to help Emeraude. To help Cefiro.
Did she understand, truly, if this is what still happened?]
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I know. (She didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. She's a good kid. Too good for all of this, he thinks.) I know, Hikaru.
(And it's fine. She cry as much as she wants, say anything, or nothing at all. He understands what it's like to learn a heavy lesson and he's more than willing to help her get through it.)
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The last time I did this, I had to kill people who didn't deserve to die, Claude. And even though I told myself I'd never do it again, that I'd still try to follow my heart in a way that would never let me regret it so badly... this time... I'm not going to be able to do anything but watch...
I know the hurt of it is supposed to help us learn, but... I don't want it to go so far that it's just a scar over my heart...
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(Supporting the church, letting himself be used to put down rebellions and watching others face execution for it,)
But you don't have to sit down and watch. Doing nothing would mean staying silent at these trials, not helping anyone through the week, and keeping all of your questions to yourself instead of trying to find answers.
This is a dangerous place. We're going to be hurt here and I don't think that will change any time soon. (Giving Hikaru's hand a squeeze,) But it will. We'll change this world together.
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I don't want the people here to have to pay for this world to be fixed with their lives... and I don't want the loss for our mistakes to be treated as nothing but a bad memory.
Even if it's dangerous... we need to keep going. I only could get through anything because I had Umi-chan and Fuu-chan with me - because we could do it together, and fight together.
So... I wanna do the same here. I want to fight this and change this, with everybody.
With you, Claude.
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Neither do I.
(Lives are precious. If he can spare anyone, he wants to. But he knows that some loss is still expected and difficult decisions will need to be made,)
You can count on me, Hikaru. And I want to count on you, too.
But for now? Take it easy. I understand that you want to do more but it's important to rest and not wear yourself out. Even a mastermind like myself needs to take a break once in awhile.
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