Do you ever just, um... make a really stupid mistake, Claude? And you don't realize how bad a mistake it was until... until you can't do anything about it?
I once discovered a poisonous mushroom and figured out a way to use it on my enemies to incapacitate them to avoid fighting. (He's very proud of himself.) It was highly effective.
But I accidentally used it on myself and ended up in bed for two days.
(Sigh,)
Another time, the same thing happened. (HE'S PROUD. BUT ALSO EMBARRASSED.) I was in bed for three days.
The alternative would have been going to battle. The way I see it, going to battle means possibly losing your friends. For that reason, I won't hesitate to use dirty tricks to avoid that outcome.
The poison was never deadly. It was only ever meant to incapacitate people and as inconvenient as that is for other people, it's better than bloodshed.
I learned my poison worked and I learned it wouldn't kill. I just had to pay the price for science.
I can't say for certain. It's possible someone could have had a bad reaction or maybe they might have chosen to go off to fight in another battle instead and met their fate.
I might not swung my sword or shot my arrow at them but I still share some responsibility for what happened.
(And he's fine with this. Truly.)
In this sense, I've killed people both directly and indirectly. These are the choices I've made and I have to live with them. That's the same for everyone.
No, I don't think it would be easier. If something is going to hurt you, it doesn't matter if you know if it's coming or not; it's going to hurt. There's a lot to be learned about why were hurt and why we feel it. It'll help us look out for the same thing in the future.
(Oh, poor Hikaru. Truly, he's sorry for her and wishes she didn't have to experience any of this,)
The more we try, the more mistakes we're going to make. The sooner we make them, the sooner we can learn to do the right thing.
I don't know what happened this time, Hikaru, but you know something you didn't know before. And you won't do it again, right?
I know. It's just... really, really hard sometimes. When you make the same mistake, even though you're trying not to, and it... really, really hurts somebody else...
[It's a tired little quip, but it fades as she looks back down at her hands.]
I'm... part of the reason Shuuya-kun was acting weird. I tried to do something to help him talk better with the people around him, but it... didn't do what I thought it was going to do. It made everything worse.
[And. Yknow. Here they are, with Kano up for death tomorrow.]
Catches him. His heart aches for her, understanding what she'd said more than she even realizes. She's already so distressed though, it's best to not add to it for now.
... It's his secret for now. Another for his pile.)
Hikaru, what did you do?
(He might have... an idea. But nothing he can confirm until she says it for herself. He reaches out to hold her hands in his, giving them a squeeze,)
I won't be mad or anything, I promise. I just want to understand what you're saying.
(Eyes wide when he sees the stone. It's not that... he doesn't recognize it because there's some vague sense of understanding what it is but he's confused. He's clearly confused and he frowns,)
[Yeah, no, if she hadn't spoken to five other people who DID know what it was, this wouldn't be a flag.]
...Your face says no, Claude. It's... it's okay. I can tell you.
The Realm gave it to me, after I did some stuff with Cater a couple days ago. I... could us it on anyone, and it would make them want to be kinder for a day.
[She nods, and I apologize for the upcoming text wall.]
It made him want to be kinder. And he was, a little. To Alex-san, and Shigeo-kun, and a couple other people. He never really smiles, you know? I... know I named him that, but... his smiles are always sad. That's... the only way I could tell it was working, was when I saw him smiling at people like he actually meant it.
But... I...
...
Shuuya-kun is really complicated. He... hates himself a lot. He feels that everything he has to do has to be by himself, no matter what. He doesn't want friends. He doesn't want help. He just... wants to do what he feels he has to do, and I... I think he wants to make sure people think just as badly of him as he does to himself.
So to make him want to be kind, when all he wants to do is run away...
I think it just made him be even worse. He... had to work twice as hard, because the feelings weren't his own, and he knew it, and it made him look... a lot worse. Because it wasn't really like him.
...
I do know it worked, because I... told him what I did. And Shuuya-kun got really, really mad at me about it.
(AND GUESS... who relates to some of this. There are parts that don't apply to him at all but there are other things, smaller things that seem to hit Claude like a personal attack each time,)
You didn't know. (For that, he can understand why she did what did, however,) But you can't force someone to change how they feel or what they think.
(He admonishes her, softly,)
The things that bring people together are natural-- the conversations we have, the things we share, and the things we experience together. And those same things are what change people. Whether it's a single encounter or a hundred conversations... you can't take shortcuts.
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...Hm? What?
[a good liar, she is not]
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Take it from someone whose always thinking too many thoughts at once. It helps to say what's on your mind.
What's bothering you?
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[still not looking up]
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I once discovered a poisonous mushroom and figured out a way to use it on my enemies to incapacitate them to avoid fighting. (He's very proud of himself.) It was highly effective.
But I accidentally used it on myself and ended up in bed for two days.
(Sigh,)
Another time, the same thing happened. (HE'S PROUD. BUT ALSO EMBARRASSED.) I was in bed for three days.
(Skills: Poisoning himself.)
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"Poison" poisons people, Claude...
[LIKE THAT'S REALLY COOL BUT ALSO SHE'S STUPID AND STILL KNOWS THIS IS ALSO PRETTY STUPID]
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The alternative would have been going to battle. The way I see it, going to battle means possibly losing your friends. For that reason, I won't hesitate to use dirty tricks to avoid that outcome.
The poison was never deadly. It was only ever meant to incapacitate people and as inconvenient as that is for other people, it's better than bloodshed.
I learned my poison worked and I learned it wouldn't kill. I just had to pay the price for science.
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Have... you ever had to try poisons that you though were fine, but they... might have killed somebody?
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I might not swung my sword or shot my arrow at them but I still share some responsibility for what happened.
(And he's fine with this. Truly.)
In this sense, I've killed people both directly and indirectly. These are the choices I've made and I have to live with them. That's the same for everyone.
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...Yeah. I guess it is kind of the same, isn't it?
Sorry, was that a stupid question?
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Mn. You're not just saying that to be nice, right?
[(9'-')9]
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(He's a liar! But he's being honest here!!)
Never doubt yourself for asking questions. It's how we all learn.
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It's be a lot easier if we didn't have to, huh? I think things would hurt a lot less that way.
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(Oh, poor Hikaru. Truly, he's sorry for her and wishes she didn't have to experience any of this,)
The more we try, the more mistakes we're going to make. The sooner we make them, the sooner we can learn to do the right thing.
I don't know what happened this time, Hikaru, but you know something you didn't know before. And you won't do it again, right?
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[...
To his question, she just shakes her head.]
No. I don't want to do it again.
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Hey. (Look at him. It's okay.) Tell brother Claude what happened.
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[It's a tired little quip, but it fades as she looks back down at her hands.]
I'm... part of the reason Shuuya-kun was acting weird. I tried to do something to help him talk better with the people around him, but it... didn't do what I thought it was going to do. It made everything worse.
[And. Yknow. Here they are, with Kano up for death tomorrow.]
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Catches him. His heart aches for her, understanding what she'd said more than she even realizes. She's already so distressed though, it's best to not add to it for now.
... It's his secret for now. Another for his pile.)
Hikaru, what did you do?
(He might have... an idea. But nothing he can confirm until she says it for herself. He reaches out to hold her hands in his, giving them a squeeze,)
I won't be mad or anything, I promise. I just want to understand what you're saying.
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She pulls one of her hands away, but only to rummage through her pocket, pulling out a small red stone.]
I used this, during the trial.
Did... you get one of these?
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It... depends.
(Squint.)
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...Your face says no, Claude. It's... it's okay. I can tell you.
The Realm gave it to me, after I did some stuff with Cater a couple days ago. I... could us it on anyone, and it would make them want to be kinder for a day.
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(That? Was kind? He knows he was out most of trial but ????)
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It made him want to be kinder. And he was, a little. To Alex-san, and Shigeo-kun, and a couple other people. He never really smiles, you know? I... know I named him that, but... his smiles are always sad. That's... the only way I could tell it was working, was when I saw him smiling at people like he actually meant it.
But... I...
...
Shuuya-kun is really complicated. He... hates himself a lot. He feels that everything he has to do has to be by himself, no matter what. He doesn't want friends. He doesn't want help. He just... wants to do what he feels he has to do, and I... I think he wants to make sure people think just as badly of him as he does to himself.
So to make him want to be kind, when all he wants to do is run away...
I think it just made him be even worse. He... had to work twice as hard, because the feelings weren't his own, and he knew it, and it made him look... a lot worse. Because it wasn't really like him.
...
I do know it worked, because I... told him what I did. And Shuuya-kun got really, really mad at me about it.
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You didn't know. (For that, he can understand why she did what did, however,) But you can't force someone to change how they feel or what they think.
(He admonishes her, softly,)
The things that bring people together are natural-- the conversations we have, the things we share, and the things we experience together. And those same things are what change people. Whether it's a single encounter or a hundred conversations... you can't take shortcuts.
(Giving her hands another squeeze,)
Do you understand that now?
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I never wanted to change him...
I just... wanted to help...
[Just like she always wanted to help.
Just like she wanted to help Emeraude. To help Cefiro.
Did she understand, truly, if this is what still happened?]
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