She obediently plops herself down, nodding at his guess.]
Mmn. Shuuya-kun... he never gave me his name. I don't think he gives anybody his name. And he asked me to learn something from Hajime-chan, and show him, before he'd tell me. So I asked if I could call him that, until I got to earn his name from him. [and then hajime died!!!!!! fun times all around.]
...
I'm... angry. At a lot of people, and at Shuuya-kun, and... and at myself.
I don't mind. Some people are just... they're like that, you know? It doesn't mean that they aren't deserving of someone who will listen to them and believe in them...
[Ah. Doing what they could, huh.
She flinches visibly, but doesn't say anything, staring down into her cup.]
Do you ever just, um... make a really stupid mistake, Claude? And you don't realize how bad a mistake it was until... until you can't do anything about it?
I once discovered a poisonous mushroom and figured out a way to use it on my enemies to incapacitate them to avoid fighting. (He's very proud of himself.) It was highly effective.
But I accidentally used it on myself and ended up in bed for two days.
(Sigh,)
Another time, the same thing happened. (HE'S PROUD. BUT ALSO EMBARRASSED.) I was in bed for three days.
The alternative would have been going to battle. The way I see it, going to battle means possibly losing your friends. For that reason, I won't hesitate to use dirty tricks to avoid that outcome.
The poison was never deadly. It was only ever meant to incapacitate people and as inconvenient as that is for other people, it's better than bloodshed.
I learned my poison worked and I learned it wouldn't kill. I just had to pay the price for science.
I can't say for certain. It's possible someone could have had a bad reaction or maybe they might have chosen to go off to fight in another battle instead and met their fate.
I might not swung my sword or shot my arrow at them but I still share some responsibility for what happened.
(And he's fine with this. Truly.)
In this sense, I've killed people both directly and indirectly. These are the choices I've made and I have to live with them. That's the same for everyone.
No, I don't think it would be easier. If something is going to hurt you, it doesn't matter if you know if it's coming or not; it's going to hurt. There's a lot to be learned about why were hurt and why we feel it. It'll help us look out for the same thing in the future.
(Oh, poor Hikaru. Truly, he's sorry for her and wishes she didn't have to experience any of this,)
The more we try, the more mistakes we're going to make. The sooner we make them, the sooner we can learn to do the right thing.
I don't know what happened this time, Hikaru, but you know something you didn't know before. And you won't do it again, right?
I know. It's just... really, really hard sometimes. When you make the same mistake, even though you're trying not to, and it... really, really hurts somebody else...
[It's a tired little quip, but it fades as she looks back down at her hands.]
I'm... part of the reason Shuuya-kun was acting weird. I tried to do something to help him talk better with the people around him, but it... didn't do what I thought it was going to do. It made everything worse.
[And. Yknow. Here they are, with Kano up for death tomorrow.]
Catches him. His heart aches for her, understanding what she'd said more than she even realizes. She's already so distressed though, it's best to not add to it for now.
... It's his secret for now. Another for his pile.)
Hikaru, what did you do?
(He might have... an idea. But nothing he can confirm until she says it for herself. He reaches out to hold her hands in his, giving them a squeeze,)
I won't be mad or anything, I promise. I just want to understand what you're saying.
(Eyes wide when he sees the stone. It's not that... he doesn't recognize it because there's some vague sense of understanding what it is but he's confused. He's clearly confused and he frowns,)
[Yeah, no, if she hadn't spoken to five other people who DID know what it was, this wouldn't be a flag.]
...Your face says no, Claude. It's... it's okay. I can tell you.
The Realm gave it to me, after I did some stuff with Cater a couple days ago. I... could us it on anyone, and it would make them want to be kinder for a day.
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She obediently plops herself down, nodding at his guess.]
Mmn. Shuuya-kun... he never gave me his name. I don't think he gives anybody his name. And he asked me to learn something from Hajime-chan, and show him, before he'd tell me. So I asked if I could call him that, until I got to earn his name from him. [and then hajime died!!!!!! fun times all around.]
...
I'm... angry. At a lot of people, and at Shuuya-kun, and... and at myself.
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Hmm... I get the feeling he's someone who doesn't do well with people. (Claude relates, honestly,) Getting to know him is real work.
(Ah, but there. That's what he wanted to hear and he leans forward some, propping his elbow on his knee and resting his chin in his hand,)
I think that's understandable but I think... you have to know everyone did what they could today. It just didn't work out.
(And it be like that sometimes.)
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[Ah. Doing what they could, huh.
She flinches visibly, but doesn't say anything, staring down into her cup.]
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(Hm, that hit something but that isn't important right now. Instead, he waits a moment to see if HIkaru is going to say anything else and then,)
Hikaru.
(What is she thinking?)
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...Hm? What?
[a good liar, she is not]
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Take it from someone whose always thinking too many thoughts at once. It helps to say what's on your mind.
What's bothering you?
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[still not looking up]
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I once discovered a poisonous mushroom and figured out a way to use it on my enemies to incapacitate them to avoid fighting. (He's very proud of himself.) It was highly effective.
But I accidentally used it on myself and ended up in bed for two days.
(Sigh,)
Another time, the same thing happened. (HE'S PROUD. BUT ALSO EMBARRASSED.) I was in bed for three days.
(Skills: Poisoning himself.)
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"Poison" poisons people, Claude...
[LIKE THAT'S REALLY COOL BUT ALSO SHE'S STUPID AND STILL KNOWS THIS IS ALSO PRETTY STUPID]
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The alternative would have been going to battle. The way I see it, going to battle means possibly losing your friends. For that reason, I won't hesitate to use dirty tricks to avoid that outcome.
The poison was never deadly. It was only ever meant to incapacitate people and as inconvenient as that is for other people, it's better than bloodshed.
I learned my poison worked and I learned it wouldn't kill. I just had to pay the price for science.
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Have... you ever had to try poisons that you though were fine, but they... might have killed somebody?
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I might not swung my sword or shot my arrow at them but I still share some responsibility for what happened.
(And he's fine with this. Truly.)
In this sense, I've killed people both directly and indirectly. These are the choices I've made and I have to live with them. That's the same for everyone.
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...Yeah. I guess it is kind of the same, isn't it?
Sorry, was that a stupid question?
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Mn. You're not just saying that to be nice, right?
[(9'-')9]
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(He's a liar! But he's being honest here!!)
Never doubt yourself for asking questions. It's how we all learn.
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It's be a lot easier if we didn't have to, huh? I think things would hurt a lot less that way.
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(Oh, poor Hikaru. Truly, he's sorry for her and wishes she didn't have to experience any of this,)
The more we try, the more mistakes we're going to make. The sooner we make them, the sooner we can learn to do the right thing.
I don't know what happened this time, Hikaru, but you know something you didn't know before. And you won't do it again, right?
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[...
To his question, she just shakes her head.]
No. I don't want to do it again.
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Hey. (Look at him. It's okay.) Tell brother Claude what happened.
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[It's a tired little quip, but it fades as she looks back down at her hands.]
I'm... part of the reason Shuuya-kun was acting weird. I tried to do something to help him talk better with the people around him, but it... didn't do what I thought it was going to do. It made everything worse.
[And. Yknow. Here they are, with Kano up for death tomorrow.]
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Catches him. His heart aches for her, understanding what she'd said more than she even realizes. She's already so distressed though, it's best to not add to it for now.
... It's his secret for now. Another for his pile.)
Hikaru, what did you do?
(He might have... an idea. But nothing he can confirm until she says it for herself. He reaches out to hold her hands in his, giving them a squeeze,)
I won't be mad or anything, I promise. I just want to understand what you're saying.
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She pulls one of her hands away, but only to rummage through her pocket, pulling out a small red stone.]
I used this, during the trial.
Did... you get one of these?
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It... depends.
(Squint.)
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...Your face says no, Claude. It's... it's okay. I can tell you.
The Realm gave it to me, after I did some stuff with Cater a couple days ago. I... could us it on anyone, and it would make them want to be kinder for a day.
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