Well, someone sure is beelining straight for the planetarium after trial, and then straight back to the inn where she slams her door shut and refuses to come out for a VERY long time. But much later in the evening, she can be found sneaking out of the kitchen with a glass of water and eyes that are red from crying, trying to sneak back up the steps like maybe people won't see her out in the open.]
(And she'll make it to the top of the stairs!!! But guess what? As soon as she turns to head down to her room, someone's gonna yank her by the ponytail (gently),)
(And into the room they go! Claude's pod is open but it looks like his blankets and everything have kind of been shoved to the back of it with some other things (his bow, a doll, you know...). All of it is shoved back to make room up front which is where he's going to guide Hikaru. Sit. Have a seat. )
"Nico-kun." (It means "smiling." Which is a kind nickname, he thinks.) You meant Kano.
She obediently plops herself down, nodding at his guess.]
Mmn. Shuuya-kun... he never gave me his name. I don't think he gives anybody his name. And he asked me to learn something from Hajime-chan, and show him, before he'd tell me. So I asked if I could call him that, until I got to earn his name from him. [and then hajime died!!!!!! fun times all around.]
...
I'm... angry. At a lot of people, and at Shuuya-kun, and... and at myself.
I don't mind. Some people are just... they're like that, you know? It doesn't mean that they aren't deserving of someone who will listen to them and believe in them...
[Ah. Doing what they could, huh.
She flinches visibly, but doesn't say anything, staring down into her cup.]
Do you ever just, um... make a really stupid mistake, Claude? And you don't realize how bad a mistake it was until... until you can't do anything about it?
I once discovered a poisonous mushroom and figured out a way to use it on my enemies to incapacitate them to avoid fighting. (He's very proud of himself.) It was highly effective.
But I accidentally used it on myself and ended up in bed for two days.
(Sigh,)
Another time, the same thing happened. (HE'S PROUD. BUT ALSO EMBARRASSED.) I was in bed for three days.
The alternative would have been going to battle. The way I see it, going to battle means possibly losing your friends. For that reason, I won't hesitate to use dirty tricks to avoid that outcome.
The poison was never deadly. It was only ever meant to incapacitate people and as inconvenient as that is for other people, it's better than bloodshed.
I learned my poison worked and I learned it wouldn't kill. I just had to pay the price for science.
I can't say for certain. It's possible someone could have had a bad reaction or maybe they might have chosen to go off to fight in another battle instead and met their fate.
I might not swung my sword or shot my arrow at them but I still share some responsibility for what happened.
(And he's fine with this. Truly.)
In this sense, I've killed people both directly and indirectly. These are the choices I've made and I have to live with them. That's the same for everyone.
No, I don't think it would be easier. If something is going to hurt you, it doesn't matter if you know if it's coming or not; it's going to hurt. There's a lot to be learned about why were hurt and why we feel it. It'll help us look out for the same thing in the future.
(Oh, poor Hikaru. Truly, he's sorry for her and wishes she didn't have to experience any of this,)
The more we try, the more mistakes we're going to make. The sooner we make them, the sooner we can learn to do the right thing.
I don't know what happened this time, Hikaru, but you know something you didn't know before. And you won't do it again, right?
I know. It's just... really, really hard sometimes. When you make the same mistake, even though you're trying not to, and it... really, really hurts somebody else...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
WEEK ONE - SATURDAY - POST-TRIAL
Well, someone sure is beelining straight for the planetarium after trial, and then straight back to the inn where she slams her door shut and refuses to come out for a VERY long time. But much later in the evening, she can be found sneaking out of the kitchen with a glass of water and eyes that are red from crying, trying to sneak back up the steps like maybe people won't see her out in the open.]
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Sneaking around, are you?
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Aaah! Um, I -- yeah! I-I mean, no!!! I'm fine!!!
[Totally completely fine!!!!!!]
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We'll have to work on that.
(Her sneaky sneak skills.)
I was waiting for you. Got a minute?
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[A beat. She swallows, then nods, following behind him.]
Is something wrong, Claude?
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(And into the room they go! Claude's pod is open but it looks like his blankets and everything have kind of been shoved to the back of it with some other things (his bow, a doll, you know...). All of it is shoved back to make room up front which is where he's going to guide Hikaru. Sit. Have a seat. )
"Nico-kun." (It means "smiling." Which is a kind nickname, he thinks.) You meant Kano.
How are you feeling?
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She obediently plops herself down, nodding at his guess.]
Mmn. Shuuya-kun... he never gave me his name. I don't think he gives anybody his name. And he asked me to learn something from Hajime-chan, and show him, before he'd tell me. So I asked if I could call him that, until I got to earn his name from him. [and then hajime died!!!!!! fun times all around.]
...
I'm... angry. At a lot of people, and at Shuuya-kun, and... and at myself.
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Hmm... I get the feeling he's someone who doesn't do well with people. (Claude relates, honestly,) Getting to know him is real work.
(Ah, but there. That's what he wanted to hear and he leans forward some, propping his elbow on his knee and resting his chin in his hand,)
I think that's understandable but I think... you have to know everyone did what they could today. It just didn't work out.
(And it be like that sometimes.)
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[Ah. Doing what they could, huh.
She flinches visibly, but doesn't say anything, staring down into her cup.]
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(Hm, that hit something but that isn't important right now. Instead, he waits a moment to see if HIkaru is going to say anything else and then,)
Hikaru.
(What is she thinking?)
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...Hm? What?
[a good liar, she is not]
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Take it from someone whose always thinking too many thoughts at once. It helps to say what's on your mind.
What's bothering you?
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[still not looking up]
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I once discovered a poisonous mushroom and figured out a way to use it on my enemies to incapacitate them to avoid fighting. (He's very proud of himself.) It was highly effective.
But I accidentally used it on myself and ended up in bed for two days.
(Sigh,)
Another time, the same thing happened. (HE'S PROUD. BUT ALSO EMBARRASSED.) I was in bed for three days.
(Skills: Poisoning himself.)
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"Poison" poisons people, Claude...
[LIKE THAT'S REALLY COOL BUT ALSO SHE'S STUPID AND STILL KNOWS THIS IS ALSO PRETTY STUPID]
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The alternative would have been going to battle. The way I see it, going to battle means possibly losing your friends. For that reason, I won't hesitate to use dirty tricks to avoid that outcome.
The poison was never deadly. It was only ever meant to incapacitate people and as inconvenient as that is for other people, it's better than bloodshed.
I learned my poison worked and I learned it wouldn't kill. I just had to pay the price for science.
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Have... you ever had to try poisons that you though were fine, but they... might have killed somebody?
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I might not swung my sword or shot my arrow at them but I still share some responsibility for what happened.
(And he's fine with this. Truly.)
In this sense, I've killed people both directly and indirectly. These are the choices I've made and I have to live with them. That's the same for everyone.
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...Yeah. I guess it is kind of the same, isn't it?
Sorry, was that a stupid question?
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Mn. You're not just saying that to be nice, right?
[(9'-')9]
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(He's a liar! But he's being honest here!!)
Never doubt yourself for asking questions. It's how we all learn.
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It's be a lot easier if we didn't have to, huh? I think things would hurt a lot less that way.
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(Oh, poor Hikaru. Truly, he's sorry for her and wishes she didn't have to experience any of this,)
The more we try, the more mistakes we're going to make. The sooner we make them, the sooner we can learn to do the right thing.
I don't know what happened this time, Hikaru, but you know something you didn't know before. And you won't do it again, right?
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[...
To his question, she just shakes her head.]
No. I don't want to do it again.
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